


Convergence

by JellyfishPoetry



Series: The Closest Is An Infinitive Distance [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, But neither are these characters so it's fine, I don't know what I'm doing, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-03-13 14:22:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13572405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JellyfishPoetry/pseuds/JellyfishPoetry
Summary: With everything that had happened to them, Keith and Shiro have a long way ahead of them to finally be able to reunite. The big question is, where to start. The where-part is especially important when it comes to Shiro.





	1. Some Kind Of Reunion

**1\. Some Kind Of Reunion**

It had become his nightly routine. The rapidly cooling evening air send shivers down his spine while he sat in front of the small desert shack. As almost every night here, there were only few clouds to obscure the view up to the stars. Somewhere up there, Voltron was fighting against an empire of evil. Shiro sighed heavily thinking about his friends. He really hoped they were alright, but there was no way of knowing for sure. Since he’d woken up here after their battle with Zarkon, he was stuck. He had no idea what had exactly happened or how he’d gotten here. He assumed it had something to do with the Black Lion’s new powers.. but why it would have chosen to teleport him back down to Earth was beyond him. How was he supposed to reach his team? Earth’s tech was primitive compared to what he’d gotten used to leading Voltron. Still, Shiro had tried to reach Voltron, _anyone_ with the equipment in the shack.. but it just didn’t have the means to reach that far into space.

Another shiver shook Shiro’s body and he decided to go back inside to lie down on a bed that had long ago stopped smelling of Keith. It only smelled of dust and sand and dry wood now. All of it. As if the desert was slowing trying to reclaim this place and wipe out every memory of humans living here. But Shiro knew better, the endless sand couldn’t fool him. Someone had been living here and that someone had waited desperately for him to come back. And now that he was here, the place lay empty. Fate must be laughing at its own jokes.

The first few days after his return to Earth, Shiro had almost gotten mad with his inability to _do_ something. The urge to run to the Garrison for help had gotten almost too strong to resist.. although he knew it would have been a bad idea. The Garrison had no means to help him and they’d probably treat him like a lab rat again. He remembered being tied down way too vividly to risk running back.. It still felt weird to think of this place as something to be avoided, though. It had once been the place he’d felt the most safe at, a place he’d chosen to call _home._.

Speaking of home.. Being stuck on Earth with nowhere to go and no one to turn to, Shiro had even considered to get into contact with his parents. But what good would that do? They’d mourned him, all he would bring back to them was pain because he knew he couldn’t _stay_ on Earth. He had to get back to Voltron and they’d have to mourn him all over again.  
No, he couldn’t do this. But all alone in Keith’s shack, Shiro figured out that he was actually pretty bad at being alone and depression was slowly dragging at the edge of his senses and clouding his mind.  
He knew he had to fight it. Falling into depression full force but lessen his chances of survival immensely. Food, water.. everything depended on him being functional and active. He couldn’t simply go to the store or ask for help. What if the Garrison got wind of it?

But everything had gotten tiring…

He’d been here for what.. weeks? Months? Somehow, he’d lost track of time. This was bad, right? It had never happened to him before. Even as a prisoner, he’d always kept track of things. Shiro stared at the equipment again as if it would answer his questions if only he wouldn’t blink first. He sighed.. There was apparently nothing he could do except wait. When Keith and Allura had been in trouble, Red had come to help them even though they’d been far away from the castle. Would Black do the same?

Thinking of Keith brought a now familiar pain to Shiro’s chest. He could only guess the emotions Keith must be drowning in. Shiro had finally found the courage to confess his feelings before their last battle.. he didn’t even get the chance to tell the team about them, about how happy he was and how much he loved Keith. No, they’d planned for that to happen _after_ their battle. Their only concern then had been if they’d stand a chance against Zarkon.. who’d thought there’d be Galaxies between them just minutes after their victory?

Because it had been a victory, right?

What if Black had send him back in an attempt to just save him because they’d failed? What if…

That line of thought was nothing new to Shiro and it often ended in tears and panic attacks he had to suffer through. Today, though, he was interrupted by the creaking of a blank and cold metal being pressed to his head.

“You’re trespassing.”

Shiro froze.

Definitely a man, Shiro duly noticed. Older than him, probably. His voice was calm, which Shiro took as a good sign. He had no doubt that in a fair fight, his Galra arm would help him defeat almost everyone – well, if you would fighting against someone with advanced alien technology on their body call a fair to begin with. Either way, Shiro had his back to someone who held a gun pressed to his head. He was fast, but only as humanly possible.. and he had no way of accessing the whole situation from his position. Silently he chided himself for spiralling down panic before. He should have been vigilant, he should have… but there was no use in this now. All he could do now, was trying not to let the situation at hand escalate and so, very slowly, he raised his arms for the man behind to see he was unarmed.

“I apologise. I thought the shack belonged to a friend of mine who wouldn’t mind me staying here. I wasn’t aware it had been.. sold.”

A sound akin to a dry, mirthless chuckle escaped the man behind him. “ _Hardly._ This shack has belonged to me for quite some time.”

Shiro frowned. This couldn’t be.. Keith had told him how he’d grown up here. Why would he lie about something like that? There was still his stuff everywhere, he’d lived here for a year after Kerberos.. but maybe the shack had never belonged to his family. Maybe they’d rented it or simply assumed it belonged to no one?

Or the guy with the gun was a total lunatic.

“Then I’ve been misinformed. Again, I’m sorry. My friend told me he grew up here but maybe I got the wrong shack.” Again, he tried to go for a calm voice. Whatever this guy’s deal was, this wasn’t the time to rile him up.  
For a few anguishing minutes, nothing happened. Shiro thought about the irony of possibly dying like that. Shot by a stranger in the desert on Earth, when he’d survived the Galra Arena, torture and a fight against an alien monster.

“What’s the name of your friend?” The question was dripping with suspicion and Shiro felt his head butted forward a tiny bit by the gun.

“Keith Kogane,” he answered truthfully. Lying would get him nowhere and _if_ the guy’d rented the shack to Keith’s family, he might recognise the name.

“Turn around. _Slowly_.” The pressure of the gun left his head and Shiro took a deep breath. Very slowly, and without lowering his hands, he got up from his chair and turned around. Finally he could get a look on the man.. the gun may still be a problem in such short distance, but otherwise, Shiro was confident to be able to take him down if things got ugly. The man was tall and had broad shoulders, it was obvious that he could handle himself in a fair fight. But then again, Shiro’s arm took probably away the fair-part.  
The man squinted at him, still pointing the gun at him. Shiro willed himself to take deep breaths and to not act before necessary..

“You look.. familiar,” the man said. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Shiro.”

The man hummed, then suddenly, there was a flash of recognition on his face. “Takashi _Shiro_ gane, right? You were the pilot that got lost on the Kerberos mission.”

Shiro chuckled a bit nervously. “That’s one way to put it.”

“Interesting.” The man hummed again. “I’m sure asking you about it would only lead to you telling me it’s classified information.”

“Not.. exactly. I mean. Nobody knows I’m here.” Shiro had no idea why he had been babbling on like this, but it had a nice effect: There was no longer a gun pointed at him.

“Again, interesting. Well then, _Shiro_ , I’d really like to hear everything about it if you’re inclined to _share_. But before that, I’ve got another question for you.”

Shiro nodded. He wasn’t sure he _wanted_ to share the story of his imprisonment or the alien threat looming over Earth with a stranger. But some part of him was desperate to keep on talking with the first living being within a long time. “Go ahead.”

The stranger looked at him with piercing eyes that made Shiro swallow thickly.

“How exactly do you know my _son_?”

***

Shiro’s brain refrained from working for a solid minute. His eyes scanned the face before him. The man in looked _nothing_ like Keith… Yet the way he was looking at him, the intensity in those eyes, was indeed familiar.

“You’re.. Keith’s father?” Shiro heard himself ask.

“I am. My name is Jacob, by the way.”

“But how.. where…” Shiro’s mouth didn’t seem to be able to form the right words. He pressed his eyes close for a moment, taking time to take a calming breath. “Where have you been?” There was an accusation in his voice Shiro couldn’t hold back.

“It’s a long story.” An emotion flashed over Jacob’s face, gone too quickly to be analyzed.

“So is the whole Kerberos story you are so interested in.” Shiro folded his arms over his chest and stared at him. He had no idea if this Jacob rightfully deserved the anger that threatened to get the better of him. But he knew how much Keith had _missed_ this man and what he’d been forced to go through because he’d disappeared. Or left.  
If the man in front of him was telling the truth and he was indeed Keith’s father.  
Jacob let out another dry not-quite-chuckle out. “Fair enough. I guess we should _talk_. I’d still like you to answer my question first, though.” Jacob sat down on the tiny sofa and motioned for Shiro to do the same. He did, although he’d rather remained standing. A mix of anger, confusion and anxiety making him restless..

“I went to the Garrison with Keith. I was his mentor first, then his friend.”  
Jacob hummed before he gave a short nod. “From what I’ve heard, he didn’t exactly have a lot of friends.”

 _So he’s known where he could find Keith._ Shiro swallowed. “Well, he had _me_. And how would you really know? You weren’t there.”

Again, Jacob nodded. “That’s true. It wasn’t really my choice, though.”

“He said you.. disappeared.” Shiro tried to choose his words carefully, although he ached to accuse this man of leaving his son alone in the desert.

“For him that must have been how it looked, yeah. But that wasn’t the case.. I’ve been.. captured, so to speak. I knew they had been following me for a few days and I went far away from the shack to lead them away from Keith. I had to keep him safe and I wanted to confront them but.. they had other plans.”

“ _They_?”

“Yeah, it’s complicated. Got a lot to do with things most people wouldn’t dare to believe.”  
Shiro swallowed. “Does it have something to do with the Galra?” He tried to sound nonchalant. Keith was part Galra, after all. Question was, was he _half_ Galra or did the connection go way back?

Jacob turned his head to give him a long look, his face unreadable to Shiro. If there’d been a functioning clock in the shack, he’d be able to hear it tick over the dead silence between them, staring each other down. He knew. No matter how much he tried to put on a blank face, Jacob’s reaction to the word ‘Galra’ was clear. Any other human being would look at him in confusion, not trying to reign in any emotion at all.

“Guess that answers what kept you so long on Kerberos.” His voice was as dry as sand.

“Not exactly _on_ Kerberos, but yes.”

“Ok..” Jacob took a deep breath. “And.. why exactly do you think the Galra have something to do with me getting captured?” It was a loaded question. 

“Because Keith is part Galra.” Shiro answered without blinking. There was no use in beating around the bush. If this man was Keith’s father, he had to know. The way Jacob’s carefully neutral face cracked in cold surprise for a split second was enough prove of that. ”And – I’m sorry – but the way you chose an isolated place in the desert to raise your son and then one day just vanished? I always made me a bit suspicious.”

“How do you even..” Jacob blinked at him. Shiro saw how his right hand gripped his gun harder, but he wasn’t pointing it at him again just yet.

“Like I said.. I am his friend.” He wasn’t ready to spill the full truth about that, yet.  
Jacob just stared at him for a moment and again, Shiro could imagine hearing the seconds ticking by. The way Jacob was staring at him with that stoic, neutral expression.. it reminded him a lot of Keith.

“I wish he was here right now…” Shiro thought out loud, more to himself than to Jacob. “He’d be so happy to see you.. and he’d have _so many_ questions.”

“Where is he?” There was some raw emotion shining through in that one simple question. And of course there would be. Shiro had been angry about the man who’d left Keith as a child, but it turned out he hadn’t meant to leave. Just as Shiro hadn’t planned on leaving Keith when he got captured by Zarkon’s men. Or now.. when he had for some reason been teleported to Earth.

“It’s a.. pretty long story.” Shiro felt suddenly drained. How was he supposed to pass the news to Jacob? Keith was far away, out of their reach and they’d no way to contact him.

“Isn’t it always? I’d really like to see him..”- Shiro winched - “I only came back a couple of months ago, but the shack was empty. I tried to track him down, but after the Garrison.. I lost his trail. He should graduate this year but... I asked around other students at the bars and clubs.. none of them really knew him. Certainly none of them knew where he was. Someone said he was expelled, but there were also rumours of three students gone missing.. though Keith’s name wasn’t among them when I looked further into it.”

Missing students. “Guess that was about Pidge, Hunk, and Lance, huh.” Again, Shiro was more thinking loudly.

“You know an awful lot about all of this.” There was suddenly steel in his voice.

“I’m sorry.. they’re my friends, too. Also Keith’s.. and yes, them missing _has_ something to do with where Keith is, now.”

“Will you tell me where he is, now?”

“Was Keith’s mother Galra?” Shiro swallowed. Jacob was still holding a gun and apparently not ready to fully trust him. Asking questions like that was…risky. He didn’t know Jacob, didn’t know if he was easily provoked… but then he needed Shiro to answers his questions as much as Shiro needed him.

Jacob considered him for a moment, probably processing the same thing. “Yes.”

“Ok.” Shiro nodded, suddenly feeling dizzy. At least it probably meant that Jacob knew _something_ about Zarkon, about the whole war going on in the Galaxy. Possibly even about Voltron. Keith’s mother was Galra. Why did Keith look so human, then? This simple answer raised more questions than he could have imagined moments ago.. But before he could let himself allow to drown in them, Shiro owed Jacob an answer of his own.

“Keith has been expelled from the Garrison a while ago. He didn’t take well on me missing.. and being declared dead.” He took a deep breath. He knew it hadn’t been his fault, but that he’d hurt Keith so deeply it ruined his career and had forced him to live out here for a year was still something he had to come to terms with. Especially now that he’d been out here for a while alone himself. “He retreated to this shack and that’s where he brought me when I came back. How I escaped is a long story, but I don’t really think it matters right now.” Jacob looked as if he wanted to say something, but remained silent. Shiro had no idea how to explain what happened without sounding like a complete lunatic, so he just went on babbling.  
“The other students who went missing kind of helped Keith rescue me. On Earth, I mean. Keith told us about a prophecy he’d learnt about searching the desert. We went out to investigate.. and.. found a.. blue lion?” Shiro looked at Jacob. Would he understand the significance of the lion?

“Wait..” Jacob squinted at him. “I suspect you don’t mean a real giant flesh and blood cat and rather…” he trailed of, looking at Shiro expectantly.

“-..a part of _Voltron_ , yes.”

“Huh.” Jacob leaned back on the sofa, staring straight ahead in disbelieve. “She’d searched for it everywhere,” he whispered. Shiro’s mind burned with questions, but he forced himself to remain calm on the surface. They’d already spiralled down a path of conversation he hadn’t seen coming after having been at the end of a gun only minutes ago. Still, this meeting was a _chance_. If Jacob new about Voltron, he might have a way to contact.. someone. Anyone able to help. Keith’s mum, maybe…? The thought alone made Shiro nervous.

“I need to get back to them,” Shiro said, looking right at Jacob. “Is there any way you can contact.. I don’t know. Someone who’d be able to get me back?”

“I.. how..” Jacob shook his head and blinked at him in confusion. “How did you end up here in the first place? Did the blue lion bring you back? You still haven’t told me where Keith _is_!”

“Keith.. he is a paladin of Voltron.” Shiro couldn’t fight the smile on his face. No matter if he was a Paladin himself, he was proud of Keith, proud of his position as a defender of the universe and how far he’s come as a person. “He’s in the Castle of Lions.”

Jacob pressed his eyes close for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was shaky.  
“You’re telling me, my son is somewhere in space, fighting against aliens?”

“Yes. He’s a great fighter, really.. and..-“

“He’s a boy! He should be on Earth and not fighting a war in another Galaxy!” Jacob’s face was a mixture of rage and pain. Shiro winched at the sudden outbreak.

“I.. yes.. but.. it’s not like we’ve planned this and.. he _chose_ to stay with Voltron.”

“He chose to stay with Voltron.” Jacob parrots him. “He was no idea what he’s gotten himself into.”

Shiro stared at him. “With all due respect, Sir. But Keith is old enough to understand what’s going on. I don’t think it’s up to you to judge his decisions. You don’t know the man he’s grown into.”

Jacob let out a noise that sounded like something between a bark and a sob. “You’re right. And trust me, there’s not a moment I don’t regret not knowing my own son. But this is exactly _why_ I had him grow up here. This is why his mother left. This whole fight against Zarkon, this whole myth of Voltron.. it’s been consuming this family since day one.”

“What do you mean?” Shiro frowned.

“Keith’s mother wanted to take him back when he was three years old. She said it was his duty to fight against Zarkon’s empire, to be trained as a Blade, just as she was…”

“His mother belonged to the Blade of Marmora?” Shiro murmured. It made total sense. “So that’s where the knife has come from…”

“Yes. She gave it to him as a parting gift. A _knife_. To a toddler. I loved her, really, but she didn’t know shit about human babies.” Jacob let out a true chuckle at the memory this time. “Said she was a soldier.. not a mom. But she loved him. She said she needed to fight so he would be save. Form her perspective, she did what’s best for Keith.”

“You don’t have to..-“

“But…” Jacob spoke over Shiro. “Her trip to Earth hasn’t gone unnoticed by some people allied with the Galra. They have been looking for her, trying to find out if she was planning an alliance with Earth or other species. They knew we’ve been.. involved. That’s why they came after me. I couldn’t let them know about Keith so I hid him.”

“But… he could have died out here alone in the desert. He was just a kid.”  
“I had people in the village. They knew to look after him if I didn’t contact them every two days. They weren’t supposed to just send the welfare, though. I’ve given them money to take care of him.. I guess you can trust no one these days.”

Shiro nodded at the new information. His ears rang and the dizziness had started to worsen.

“Hey, you ok, boy?”

“Yeah, I just..”

“Sit down.” Jacob was suddenly next to him. Shiro flinched as he gripped his arm, mere milliseconds away from activating his Galra tech… but then he noticed that all Jacob was doing was supporting him and slowly leading him to the sofa. Shiro did as he was told and sat down, too numb to notice the soft surface.

“Keith is.. He’s been through so much. And it has never been his decision.. just.. from.. day one. Like you said.” He kneaded his fingers. People had been ripped from Keith’s life over and over again and he had no clue why. It had always been linked to the Galra. Shiro had thought their lives had gotten complicated since he’d been abducted,  
but it had begun way earlier.

Jacob sat down next to him with a sigh, the gun nowhere to be seen.

“He means a lot to you, huh?”

“He does.” The ringing in Shiro’s ears had gotten so loud that he wasn’t even sure he’d said those words.

“I didn’t mean to drop the bomb on you like this. I just haven’t talked about any of this in a while… I just came here to see if maybe he’s been here in the past few months. I didn’t expect to find… someone who knows him.”

“Is there a way to contact Voltron?”

Jacob hesitated.

“Please… I need to reach them. I need to get back.”

“There.. might be a way. I don’t know. We’d have to check a few places to find out.”

“Then let’s go.”

***

“So you really snuck out together to go to a club? You are really bad influence on my son,” Jacob chuckled loudly.

“Hey, _I_ was the one concerned we’d get caught. It’s more like Keith and Matt had a bad influence on _me_.” Shiro grinned at him sideways. They’ve been on the road for a while and after the first few awkward hours, they’d slowly warmed up to one another. Shiro had started to tell him how he met Keith and what they’d been up to at the Garrison. He hadn’t touched the subject of Voltron, yet, considering how badly Jacob had reacted to it once he’d learned Keith was a Paladin.

“But you didn’t get caught, after all. I’m sure my son is far too smart for that.”

“He really is.” Shiro smiled, feeling warmth spread through his body although his chest ached at the thought of Keith. He missed him. They’d been so closed before Shiro had been teleported to Earth.. He’d barely had the time to get to know this new side of their relationship, but when he thought about the way he’d been kissed goodbye, his lips immediately remembered the unique feeling of _Keith_.  
Once he got back to Voltron, Shiro would make up for all the lost time.  
Again.

“Tell me more about him,” Jacob asked as he drove around a corner.

“Well.. he’s great.” Shiro scratched the back of his head. “He’s.. talented. A great pilot. That’s why the Garrison decided to get him a mentor instead of kicking him out for bad behaviour.”

“Bad behaviour?”

“Well.. he got into trouble a few times. But really, people just didn’t know how to handle him and he usually just reacted to their rudeness. I know a lot of people think of him as a hothead, but I don’t see him this way.. Keith _is_ emotional, but he’s actually a very calculated person most of the time… he just does what’s necessary. And sometimes his idea of necessary doesn’t align with other people’s idea.”

Jacob hummed.

“He’s smart as hell, thoughtful and caring. It’s another side most people don’t notice about him.. but that’s because it takes time for him to let people in. But once you’re in, he’s the most wonderful person in the universe.” Shiro turned his head sideways and pretended to look out of the window while in fact, he was trying to hide his blush. As far as Jacob was concerned, Keith was his _friend_ and nothing more. Would it even be his place to tell him the truth? It should be up to Keith, shouldn’t it? He’d lost so many important moments with his father already. 

“He’s a really special guy, huh?”

“He is. Trust me.” Shiro coughed a bit embarrassed. “Oh, and he’s very strong. I mean… he’s not exactly tall or bulky so most people underestimate him. That’s what I did before our first training session.. where he beat me within the first few minutes.”

That made Jacob laugh wholeheartedly. “He’s always tried to best me as a kid. He’s stubborn like that.. he simply never accepted to be defeated. He must have trained like mad.”

“Indeed.” Shiro grinned at him, confident that his blush had faded at least a little bit. From the way Jacob was eyeing him with a grin, though, he wasn’t so sure.

“Where are we going right now? I mean.. who’s that friend you said we’re going to meet?”

“I _hope_ that we’ll be able to meet him. I haven’t heard from him in years so I’ve no idea he’s still on Earth. He was a friend of Keith’s mother… don’t ask me _what_ he is exactly but he looks human enough, I guess. He’s an ally of the Blade but he isn’t a soldier. He’s more like.. a tech guy. If anyone’s able to help us reach Voltron, it’s him.”

“And then what? I mean… I know I need to get back to them, but what about you? Will you come with me?”

Jacob pressed his lips into a thin line, his hands gripping the steering wheel harder.

Shiro watched his reaction closely. A lot of his mannerism reminded him of Keith. Right now, he looked like him when he was unsure and felt pushed to make a decision he didn’t feel able to make. “He would be thrilled to see you.” 

“Even though he thinks I left him?”

 

It must have been hard for the both of them. Keith, not knowing what happened to his father and Jacob always wondering about how he was doing without him.  
“I’ve never heard an angry word about you from him. Trust me… he misses you and he’d really like to see you. You two have a lot to talk about… especially now that he knows he’s half Galra.”

“How did he find out about that by the way? He still looks all human, does he?” Jacob’s voice sounded a bit strained. There was a pain there Shiro didn’t know about. 

“He does. Still not purple.” Shiro’s grin felt a bit forced. Keith hadn’t always been happy about his attempts to diffuse tension with humour, but he hoped it would ease the following explanation. Jacob had not been thrilled about Keith being a Paladin. He would certainly not be thrilled about _this_. “We got into contact with the Blade… Keith tried to ask questions about his knife but they refused to tell him anything.”

Jacob took a deep, audible breath through his nose. “Yeah, Keyra had always been tight-lipped about everything concerning this… organisation.”

 _Keyra_. It was the first time Jacob referred to Keith’s mother by her name, but Shiro decided not to say anything.There was probably old scarring he’d no interest in ripping open again. Keith’s mother had left them, after all.

“They really _are_ secretive. Keith had to go through some trials to get answers. Anyone less tough would probably have died… But Keith, he lived through it. And in the end, his knife turned into a sword and apparently that can only happen if you’re at least part Galra.”

“You let him go through these trials?” Jacob raised an eyebrow, but was otherwise looking at the street ahead. Somehow, it still made Shiro nervous.

“Oh, I didn’t have a say in it. Once Keith has set his mind on something, there’s no going back. He wanted answers and this was the only way to get them.” _If he had been up to me, we would’ve just left._

“Still… I thought you would have found a way to get him out of harm’s way.”

The way he said it was kind of cryptic but in no way meant as an accusation, Shiro was sure of it. It still stung. Images of Keith flashed before his eyes, haunting him like they had months ago when he’d seen him get beaten up during the trials. The pain in his eyes when Shiro had cared for the wound on his shoulders, not only because he’d been hurt physically, but because his world had just been turned upside down.  
And now Keith was all alone in space, facing monsters every day… with Shiro far away and unable to help him, to _talk_ to him. Of course, Keith was able to handle himself alone perfectly, but he still was a - partly - human being and needed someone from time to time. 

“I wish there was a way to get Keith from diving into danger.”

“He has that from his mother,” Jacob said with a wistful smile. Shiro wished he could just asked him where she was, but the way he talked about her, he probably didn’t know either.

They fell into a comfortable silence for the next few miles. Shiro spent his time mostly looking out of the window and thinking about Keith, while Jacob was humming along an old tune on the radio. In another reality, Keith and his mom would be with them and this would simply be a normal family road trip. In this reality, though, Shiro was looking forward to the possibility of seeing his boyfriend again sometime soon. He only hoped that Slav would rate the chances for this to happen as high.

Come to think of it, Slav was the only person at the Castle of Lions Shiro _didn’t_ miss.

***

Shiro woke up with a start as the car came to an abrupt halt. When had he fallen asleep? He winced at the nasty pain in his neck as he straightened in his seat. It felt like he’d been asleep for a while…

“We’re there.” Jacob was staring out of the front window and Shiro followed suit. They were in front of a three-level-building. The house paint had definitely seen better days, that much was obvious even in the dim light of the setting sun. Shiro squinted. There were no lights on in any of the rooms. Whoever they were looking for probably wasn’t at home.

“Looks like no one’s home,” he announced his thought loudly. 

“Because it’s dark?” Jacob huffed. “Nuri is a creature of the night. He never got tired telling me this… He doesn’t need any lights. I don’t know if he still lives here, but we have to actually go and knock at his door to know for sure.”

Shiro nodded and climbed out of the car. Jacob was already a few steps ahead of him, his eyes transfixed on the building. Shiro took his time to take in his surroundings. There was nothing suspicious of the tiny village they were in. They were on a normal road like any other road in America… Shiro would never be able to find this place again on his own, but that was probably the purpose of all this. To live as anonymous as possible. 

There was no doorbell so Jacob just opened the front door, which for some reason was open, and went inside. There were apparently two apartments on each floor, but none of it had a name or a bell, either. Shiro frowned. He understood that Jacob’s friend might want to hide behind an anonymous door but what was wrong with the other people living here? He only hoped that it wouldn’t become a problem…

Jacob knocked three times on a door on the second floor. Shiro noticed how tense he was and how he’d taken on a stance that provided some stability if he were attacked. Why was he so nervous? They were here to find help, after all. This was so far his only hope to find a way to get back into space, to get back to _Voltron_... but the silence behind this door and the seconds ticking by slowly didn’t exactly help to settle his nerves.

“Nuri? Come on, open up!” Jacob called.  
It had an immediate effect. The door clicked open and a pale, small… person? Shiro wasn’t sure if the thing that appeared at the door would pass as a person. It more looked like a slightly human looking amphibian… and a very angry one.

“Are you nuts screaming my name all over town like this, Jacob?” 

“You could just have opened the door.” Jacob shrugged. “Is that how you people greet an old friend?”

“Not when the friend is accompanied by a Galra tool,” Nuri hissed, his small eyes darting between Jacob Shiro.

“I’m… not a Galra tool.”

“Liar. They’ve weaponized you.”

Shiro felt cold washing over him. “You mean…”

“You’re arm, yes. You can’t fool me, no matter how normal you think they made it look. I can _sense_ it. Are you here to kill me? Have they finally turned you, _Jacob_?”

“I am not here to harm you,” Shiro said, holding up both his hands in front of him. “You’re right about my arm, but I had no choice in that matter. They did this to me when I was their prisoner.” He could feel Jacob staring at him. “Trust me, I have nothing to do with the Galra. Not like that. I’m here because I need your help to get back to Voltron and…-“ The air was pushed out of his lungs when he his back hit the wall inside Nuri’s apartment. The tiny creature had pulled him inside with seemingly impossible strength.

“I can’t believe you just spilled information like that for all the world to hear!”

“Well, you could’ve just invited us inside so he wouldn’t have to,” Jacob said, stepping into the apartment and closing the door.

Nuri ignored him, his eyes drilling into Shiro. “ _Who are you_?”

“I’m Shiro. I’m a Paladin of Voltron. I’m stranded here on Earth and I need your help to find a way ba…-“

Nuri held up his arm, signalling for him to stop.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed. Shiro frowned, but did as he was told.

“There’s something in your arm…” Shiro could feel Nuri’s fingers on the inside of his wrist.

“Holy sh… Jacob, do you have any idea what you’ve done? This guy is carrying… some kind of tracker.” His fingers wandered a bit higher. “And not just that…” There was a note of horror in his voice.

“Can you deactivate it?” Shiro heard his feet on the floor as he stepped closer, probably inspecting his arm, too. 

Shiro wanted to open his eyes, to see what was going on. The urge made his eyelids flutter nervously...

“Don’t!” Nuri shouted angrily and he immediately pressed his eyes close again.

“Of course I can. But he probably won’t like it.”

“Do what you have to do,” Shiro said, his voice shaking. A tracking device. But why hadn’t Zarkon tracked him through that, then? Why using his connection with the Black Lion?

“Oh, I will, trust me.”

Shiro felt the tiny pinch of a needle and then, nothing.

***

His head felt like a million bugs were crawling in it when he slowly came back to the waking world. The sun was shining brightly right into his face and he rose his arm with a groan to shield his eyes.

“Easy there, boy.”

Jacob. Shiro turned his head to find him sitting at the edge of the cot he was lying on.

“What happened?” he croaked.

“Well… according to Nuri, there was some weird device in your arm that was somehow connected to your memories. I don’t know what that means other that I find it unsettling.”

“A… connection to my memories,” Shiro repeated. What did that even mean? Why would anyone be interested in his memories?

“Good thing is, I could destroy it without frying your brain so that’s something.” Nuri was leaning against the doorframe, far away from any sunrays.

“Did you… look at it before you destroyed it?” A part of Shiro longed for the opportunity to close the gaps in his memory from his time at a prisoner. Maybe that was the reason _why_ the gaps happened to be there in the first place, because the Galra had messed with his brain.  
Another part of him had him glance at Jacob, mortified.  
The memory of Keith’s writhing, moaning body underneath him was still fresh and lively.  
This was definitely _not_ how he wanted Jacob to find out. 

Nuri huffed. “I would have, but I don’t have the means to watch at them. It’s not encoded like a video but like an all-sense memory. I’d need to implant it into my brain and even if I knew how, I wouldn’t want _that_. 

“Alright.” Shiro frowned. None of that made sense to him. 

“I think you’ve been too far away for this past few months for the device to transfer anything to whoever put it there,” Nuri went on. 

“That’s… reassuring. I guess.” Shiro had still trouble processing what was happening.

Nuri just shrugged his shoulders. “I guess. Another good news is, that I found someone to pick you up and bring you back to your friends.”

“How…?”

“Jacob had told me everything and I’ve decided to trust him. If what he says is true, the universe relies heavily on you being up there. Only took me seconds to actually contact someone.”

Shiro stared at him blankly. That was it. He hadn’t anticipated for it to go that easy.

“No need to thank me,” Nuri sighed. “I’ll leave you two alone until it’s time to leave for your intergalactic Uber.”

Before Shiro could say anything further, let alone thank him, Nuri was gone. Which left him alone with Jacob and an awkward silence.

“Will you come with me?” Shiro asked carefully after a few moments.

Jacob just shook his head.

“Why not?”

“I don’t… belong up there.” He sounded exhausted, as if they were having a discussion they’d had for years. Maybe this was true for Jacob. 

“But what about Keith? You could finally see him again.”

Jacob smiled. “I trust you to take care of him and bring him home to me safely.”

“I will… do my best.” Shiro swallowed thickly. He didn’t understand why he just wouldn’t come with him to see his son after years apart. “I have no idea how long it’ll take, though. It could take _years_.”

Jacob watched him silently for a few moments. “I’m sorry about your arm.”

Shiro frowned at the sudden change of subject. “It’s alright. I’m used to it by now.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine how it must have been… being their prisoner, I mean.”

“I survived. That’s the only thing that matters.”

Jacob nodded. “And you’ll keep on surviving. And you will take care of Keith.”

“Jacob…”

“The way you talk about him... You sure you two are just.. friends?” Jacob’s voice was carefully neutral.

Shiro swallowed nervously. He had no idea how he’d react, but since he’d figured it out himself, he didn’t find it in him to lie about it.

“No.”

Jacob nodded thoughtfully. “I’m glad my son has someone who cares about him this deeply.” He gave him a smile. But even though it looked genuine, there was also a whole lot of sadness in his eyes. Still, it made Shiro relax a bit. Jacob was not opposed to them being together, then.

“I really do. And I will do everything I can to protect him.”

“I know you will.”

Shiro nodded with conviction. He couldn’t promise that no harm would come to Keith; that was just not the way wars went… But he would do his best to bring him back safely after all this was over, so there would finally a true family reunion.


	2. A New Mission

**2\. A New Mission**

“Good fight, Keith.”

Keith’s hair was stuck to his head and he was breathing heavily, but he was grinning back at Gyr. The adrenaline was still rushing through his body, making him feel _alive_ , which was a good thing.  
Gry challenged him and it made Keith's mind go into a comforting blank space where nothing but strikes and counterstrikes existed. 

“Thank you, you weren’t that bad, either.”

Gyr’s laugh sounded like sandpaper on a wooden plank, but Keith had come to like it. He was a good sparring partner and he didn’t expect much from Keith except a good training session. Just like him, Gyr was a relatively new recruit, so they’d been paired together to go through some routines by Kolivan. It had quickly become apparent, though, that Keith was way ahead of Gyr when it came to combat, which was why he had been asked to oversee his training. 

A few months ago, Keith would have told Shiro about this and Shiro would have been proud of him… But now?  
Keith willed the thought away as soon as it occurred. He had to get over this. There was no way back and he had found his new place as a Blade. It was good for him to be among the Galra. He wanted to learn more about them, about their history and culture. About _his_ culture. Especially the parts that weren’t influenced by Zarkon.

“Care to go another round?” 

Keith allowed himself a tiny smile. Gyr was always eager, that was something he liked about him. He never complained about the strains of the training, instead, he always wanted more. It was a trait Keith recognised as on they shared. But right now, he had no time for Gyr’s eagerness. 

“I wish I could, but Kolivan wanted to talk to me.”

Gyr made a disappointed sound that had Keith recoil a bit internally. It was probably meant to  
be playful, but Keith was done with forming bonds, done with getting into a position where people expected some kind of emotional involvement… Or had any expectations at all. So far, Gyr hadn’t made any attempts to pursuit a friendship, which was kind of relieving. They were sometimes eating together, but never talking about personal stuff. Well, except for one thing… Gyr was half-Galra, just like him, so they’d talked about that. It counted as personal, right? Keith didn’t know anything about Gyr’s other genetic half aside from the name. But like any other half-Galra within the Blade, his features were clearly influenced by the Galra-side of his family. It made Keith wonder why he himself looked so different. Aside from his purple-ish eyes, he looked perfectly human.

Maybe one day, he could get into the reasons for that. For now, he ignored Gyr’s disappointment and said a short goodbye to take a shower before meeting up with Kolivan.

The warm water was a gift for his sore muscles. Keith had taken on a hard training after their last battle. He preferred having something to do over feeling… and this time, Lance wasn’t there to hold him back. Still, the Blade’s daily routine kept him from overdoing it too much or starving himself. Not that he wanted to do that… He knew he needed his strength if he wanted to play a role in this war. There was no way he’d let his personal matters interfere with the destiny of the universe. He was still a fighter, a soldier, a Blade. 

It was all he had left, after all.

Keith leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the cold wall to stop the thoughts from coming. There was no use of thinking about better times, times where he’d had friends and, for a very short period, a lover. None of it mattered anymore. His pain didn’t matter.  
He knew the thoughts would come later to haunt him, though. There hadn’t been one night yet without tossing for hours before he found sleep or nightmares tormenting him.  
During the day. Keith tried not to think too much about what had been and what could had been. Mourning the relationship and friendship he’d had with Shiro was something he sometimes did in quiet at night in his room when no one could see him cry. It wasn’t the first time he’d lost him but the knowledge that, this time, Shiro was alive and well made it a bit less painful. Keith would probably never again play an important role in his life, not directly, but he could still help him fight Zarkon as a Blade.

Matt had tried to tell him otherwise, but the fact that he’d never tried to contact him again told Keith all he needed to know. He knew Shiro wouldn’t change his mind. Maybe he’d told Matt how exactly he’d messed up, maybe that was why Matt had lost interest in talking to him. He wouldn’t be the only one to not care for him at all.  
It wasn’t exactly fair. Keith had run from the conversation, too scared to wait for Matt’s return. And how was Matt supposed to contact him here? The only one in contact with Voltron was Kolivan and he usually only talked to Shiro or Allura. 

To be honest, Keith had been surprised by Matt’s reaction to begin with. The rest of the paladins had celebrated and none of them had so much as looked twice at Keith. So why had Matt cared?  
Well, probably because he hadn’t been around when he’d tried to lead Voltron in Shiro’s absence.

 

Keith let his head bump against the wall softly for a few times. Beating himself up like this would get him nowhere. He wasn’t a leader person, so what? It had never been his goal, he’d never seen himself in this position. And it certainly wouldn’t sting so badly if he hadn’t disapointed his friends. With a sigh, he turned of the water and got out of the shower. He couldn’t allow himself to be distracted by old guilt like that. It was done. 

It usually got easier to get into this mindset once he put on his clothes. The Blade’s uniform fit him like a second skin. It was a lot like his Paladin uniform, but lighter, which gave him more room for quick movement. Keith liked it. He liked that he looked like everyone else here with the uniform on and how it made him able to blend him. He was just _a_ Blade, not _the_ red Paladin anymore. It was a knowledge that comforted him every day. He didn’t need to call the shots in this suit, for no one else but himself, at least. No one was looking at him for advice or orders. No, no one was even looking at him _twice_. 

Sure, he was smaller than any other Blade he’d seen so far, but otherwise he looked like any other Blade when he made his way to Kolivan’s quarters. He was simply one among hundreds. He was replaceable and no one was trying to lie to him when it came to this truth. So many people had tried to convince him otherwise these past few months, but their actions spoke a different language. Keith couldn’t really blame them. They’d convinced _themselves_ of it, unable to see they weren’t calling for _Keith_ , but for his _role_. A role that was more fitting for another person. 

Keith shook his head, trying to clear his mind for his conversation before he walked through the door. 

“Keith.” It was Kolivan’s usual way to greet him.

Keith eyed the big screen at the far end of the room for a split second. It was dark. No Shiro, no Voltron. For a quiet moment he felt a tiny hope he didn’t allowed himself to put into words shattered.  
_Stupid_. 

“You wanted to speak with me?” He forced his face to remain neutral, Kolivan didn’t need to see his weakness. 

But Kolivan only nodded, either he was oblivious to Keith’s emotional struggle or didn’t care. Keith suspected it was the latter. Kolivan was his leader, not his therapist. Still, he wished he would know if he _knew_. With no strangers around, Kolivan didn’t wear his mask… but it didn’t make it easier to read his emotions either way.

“I have a mission for you.”

“What is it?” Keith could feel his heart immediately burn at the opportunity to do something. Any distraction would do, anything to stop the constant, distant ache. The last two weeks had passed without him doing any more than training, without him doing more than _thinking_. 

“I need you to travel to Lissamid to retrieve some information.”

“What kind of information?” Keith frowned. With all the technology this people had it felt a bit strange to run an errand like that. 

“We don’t know exactly what it is, just that it is important and could help us against Zarkon. There is a problem, though.”

 _Good_ , so he didn’t just get to play messenger boy.

“The Lissamids living on that planet are highly suspicious of any Galra. We tried to strike a deal with them, but they said they’d sooner destroy this information than hand it over to ‘the Galra scum’. They don’t trust us to _not_ be working with Zarkon.”

“Alright. What do you want me to do?”

“You don’t look much Galra, so your chances of walking among them unnoticed are high. How you get your hands on the information is up to you. You can either trade or steal it. I’ll send you all the details about where to find the data cube.”

Keith nodded curtly. “I assume you need me to go alone.” He liked working alone with no one there to watch out to. It was liberating, to an extent, easier. 

“Yes. A faster ship will bring you to a vicinal planet. From there on, you’re on your own. You’ll be leaving in a few hours. Anymore questions?”

“No, just send me the data.” Keith felt his nerves start to tingle with excitement. Just a few more hours and he’d be out on a mission, putting distance between himself and his emotional turmoil. 

“Alright.” Kolivan nodded and turned around, which Keith took as his cue to leave. As he was starting towards the door, though, Kolivan called after him. 

“ And Keith?”

Keith shot him a look over his shoulder.

“No reckless behaviour.”

Keith only gave him a lopsided grin.

He knew other than Matt, Kolivan wasn’t really concerned for his well-being, he was concerned for the _mission_. And Keith wouldn’t want it any other way.

***

Gyr waited outside his room when Keith came to rest and collect his stuff after his debriefing.  
He was surprised to see him there at all. It wasn’t like he lived in a secret part of the base, but  
Gyr had never before sought him out like that or visited. They weren’t friends, after all.

“Hey,” Gyr greeted once he noticed Keith. Keith in return only looked at him quizzically.

“Heard you’re leaving for a mission tonight.”

“That’s right.” _And I’d just like to get my stuff and then leave so what the hell are you  
doing here?_

“And that it could be a while until you’ll be back.” Gyr took a step to the side to make room  
for Keith.

“Possibly.” Keith opened his door. “Is there anything I can help you with before I leave?”

“Depends. Maybe.” Gyr took a step closer again, his hands fidgeting at his sides. Keith had to crane up his head to look at his face. He didn’t like people standing in his personal space like that. 

“Gyr?” The annoyance was clear in his voice. 

But Gyr only stepped closer, unbothered by Keith’s discomfort. Quite the opposite. Instead of taking the hint, his right hand came up to cradle Keith’s face. “You seem tense. I could help you, if you want.. we could do a little something to help you relax before your mission.”

His voice had dropped to what probably was supposed to sound seductive. Anyhow, his intentions were pretty clear and Keith startled. He took a hastily stepped back, bumping into the doorframe with a loud thud, his body screamed at him to run, to get as far away as possibly. But he forced himself to remain at least somewhat calm and was glad to see that Gyr didn’t try to follow up into his personal space again, but instead just kept standing where he was.

“What are you…” Keith was a bit proud his voice wasn’t shaking.

“I know you have no one on this ship to help you with your needs. I just thought that we could maybe come to an arrangement. Unless there’s someone _off_ the ship, of course. I’ve no interest in meddling with your personal affairs. Just thought this could be an easy way to blow off some steam?”

Keith’s let out a huff, his shoulders sagging. “I don’t… think this is a good idea.”

“So there _is_ someone else?”

“No.” It hurt to say it. But Keith didn’t want to lie to himself. Or to Gyr.

“Then why not? Not your type?”

“No… I.. I don’t know. I just don’t think I’m interested in something like that. Not right now and.. not as a way to blow off steam, I mean.”

Gyr put his arms behind his back and straightened himself. “Understood. I hope you don’t mind me trying. Most people on the ship are already taken and you’re an attractive specimen. I will not ask again but if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

With that, he left. Leaving Keith standing in his doorway, staring at him open-mouthed. _What the hell_. He entered his room and closed the door. He only noticed he was shaking when he put his few belongings in his pack… Why was affecting him that so much? Gyr had shown his interest, but had backed off immediately. He’d also more or less said that he wasn’t interested in Keith as a person, but merely as a means to an end. 

_Unless there’s someone off the ship._

Keith pressed his eyes close and let himself sink down to the floor. He couldn’t allow himself to drown in this, now. He had a mission to do. Thinking about Shiro would get him nowhere… 

There was this tiny, nagging fear he’d had for weeks now, though. It wouldn’t let him alone, even though he knew it was bullshit to think about Shiro like that. 

It had been more than just blowing off steam, right? 

Shiro was not the type, he’d know him for _years_. 

But then why had he lost interest in Keith almost immediately after they’d had sex?

Keith wiped his tears away angrily.  
Because it hadn’t been _right after they’d had sex._ It had been months afterwards, month Shiro probably had to endure torture and a thousand other differents things he didnÄt talk about. Months after Keith had messed up being the leader Voltron and the rest of the universe needed badly. 

 

Just because he hadn’t had the chance to interact with him much _after they’d had sex_ didn’t mean the world - or universe - had stopped moving.  
It was probably this kind of self-centeredness that had the other team members pull back. Allura had hinted at it, too…  
Voltron had needed him and he hadn’t been there, he’d risked their lives more than once and what for?  
Because he had wanted Shiro to reconnect with his lion, because he wanted to become a Blade… 

 

No. Shiro hadn’t simply discarded him after sex. What they’d had had been special. 

And it would never be like this again. Keith had made sure of that. 

Maybe he should go to Gyr after that mission. Maybe it would help him get over it, get rid of the memory that kept haunting him… 

Did he really want to? Get rid of Shiro’s smile, the way his whole body had sung with happiness when they’d kissed? The way he’d said ‘I love you’ - and meant it? 

Also, thinking about it felt like cheating on Shiro, though he was well aware that Shiro neither wanted to know nor cared about what he did anymore. 

Still, he couldn’t start anything with Gyr. Keith wasn’t the kind of guy who felt easily attracted to other people, and he certainly didn’t feel any attraction towards Gyr. With Shiro, it had been different, but even with him Keith find himself crave his affection more than his physical attention.

What he’d had with Shiro was special, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the universe. 

Keith knew that the attempt to rest was futile now. So instead, he allowed himself to cry in privacy for the last time before he would go on that mission.


	3. A long way up

**3\. The long way up**

Shiro felt the inside of his jacket pocket the tenth time in the last three minutes. It had been his idea to have Jacob write a letter for Keith. If Jacob didn’t want to come with him to meet his son, he wanted to at least give Keith the opportunity to hear from his father in person, and not through second hand telling.  
Shiro was a bit nervous about how Keith would take the news… It surely was a lot, after all. His father was alive and he hadn’t left him by choice. And now he was on Earth, looking for him, while Keith was fighting an alien imperium up in space.  
Would he still be happy to hear from his father or would the whole situation hurt him? 

 

Whatever happened, Shiro would be there for him, but first, he needed to make it back to the Castle. He pulled his hand out of his pocket with a sigh and glanced at his shaking fingers. Normally, he wasn’t the type to show these visible signs of nervousness. No, he’d always invested a lot of controlled energy to appear at least somewhat calm for the sake of his companions. But who was there to see except Jacob?  
Nuri had given them the coordinates for their meeting with his omnicious ‘friend’ and Jacob had driven them. It was – surprise – some isolated dessert place, far away from any town or village. What Shiro liked about it the most, though, was that it was also far away from the Garrison. The lights appearing on the sky would have probably raised the alarms by now had they been anywhere near it. The memory of what had happened the last time was still fresh and it was something he was still bitter about… For _years_ he’d studied and worked hard to archive the best results for the Garrison and still, they’d refused to listen to him and had instead chosen to chain him down like an animal. Shiro would prefer not to repeat that experience. But in this place, there was only the possibility of some lonely wanderer telling the news about it. And they’d probably just make fun of it.

“This is it,” Jacob said airily as the ship approached. “Don’t forget about your promise. And when this is all over, bring him back to me.”

Shiro turned around to give him a smile and shake his hand, but Jacob had other plans and pulled him into a tight hug. It took Shiro a surprised second to return the hug and pat Jacob’s back. Who would have thought Keith came from a family of huggers? For some reason, the thought made him smile.

“Thank you for everything,” he said. “I’ll tell Keith you said hi. And give him your letter, of course. And when this is all over, I’ll contact you.” _If we’re make it out alive _, went unsaid.__

__Shiro closed his eyes against the thrown up sand when the ship landed. His heart thudded wildly against his rips.  
_I’m going home,_ he thought and frowned. He was about to travel in a system in the middle of a war zone, far away from his home planet and he still thought of this place as _home_. But that was probably less the place and more to the people waiting up there for him. _ _

__Shiro blinked against the lights when the ship’s door opened and an otter-like-creature without fur, but a simple black space suit, came into view.  
Next to him, Jacob made a surprised sound. It had Shiro questions how many aliens he’d seen in his life… beside having a child with one. _ _

__The alien looked at them with sharp eyes. “Name’s Lucan. Who of you guys am I about to take along for the ride? Nuri said it would only be one passenger.” His voice was surprisingly deep for a creature this small._ _

__“Yes, that’s me,” Shiro said, taking a few steps towards the ship. “I’m Shiro. Thank you for picking me up. I know Earth is a bit far out from… well, everything.”_ _

__“It’s no bother. Every friend of Nuri is a friend of mine and I… owed him a favour.” Lucan grinned, his teeth only added to the otter-like impression. Shiro gave him a careful smile._ _

__“See you, Shiro. Sooner than later, I hope.” Jacob put his hand on his back for a moment, before he pushed him forward a bit. He was right, Shiro had to go now, there was no need to stall and they’d already said goodbye. He had to get back to Voltron.  
And to Keith._ _

__Still, his legs felt a bit weak when he took those last few steps into the ship and the last little awkward wave he gave to Jacob before the door closed felt a bit unreal. Important moments rarely lasted long enough to be processed.  
Shiro was about to leave Earth again._ _

____

***

The ship was old and a bit battered, but compared to what Earth would have to offer still high-tech. Shiro lounged in a comfy seat, looking back at his home-planet with a weird churning in his stomach. He had no idea when he’d come back but he hoped that it would be soon… although he wasn’t sure if he could ever fit into human society again with all he’d seen, all been through - including the modification of his body. Living there again was probably not an option, but he could still visit, right? He _had to_ , anyway. He had a promise to keep.

“How do you know Nuri?” Lucan looked at him with a toothy grin. “I must admit I was a it curious when he told be about you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say I know him. He’s a friend of a… friend.” Shiro wondered silently what Nuri had told Lucan about him, but he was a bit scared to ask. Nuri hadn’t been that thrilled with him visiting, after all. 

“Alright. I’m glad he has at least _some_ friends, even if you’re not one of them. I never understood why he chose to stay on this primitive planet in the middle of nowhere.” 

Shiro chuckled in response. “Hey, that’s my home you’re talking about.”

“You must admit, it is a bit behind when it comes to… well, everything.” Lucan turned his head to his side with a grin and considered Shiro for a moment. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s fair… To be honest, I wondered why Nuri was living there, too.” Especially because it didn’t seem like he was happy holed up in his apartment. 

“At least it’s far away from the Galra, right? His species tends to be a bit paranoid... “

“I noticed.“

“Mhm…” Lucan eyed his arm for a moment, before a message on the screen popped up and caught his attention. He squinted. If he was human, Shiro would have suspected that he needed glasses.

“Speaking of the devil,” Lucan murmured. “Sorry, it’s a message from Nuri. We need to take a little detour. I have some cargo to pick up before we can go to your castle.” Lucan really sounded sorry. 

“That’s alright, I’m glad that I found a way to return to my team. I’ve been stuck on Earth for months, so a little more time won’t kill me,” Shiro chuckled drily. Of course he wanted to get back as soon as possible, but a few more days really didn’t hurt and he couldn’t risk angering Lucan. He was his pilot, after all, and he was doing him a huge favour.

“A few months?” Lucan was eying him sideways. “What’s that?”

“One month is like.. a phoeb, I think.”

“Don’t you mean… I don’t know, a few quintants or so?”

“Pretty sure it’s been more than that.” Shiro frowned. Why would Lucan make assumptions about something like that? Maybe he’d messed up the equivalent of a month, but he surely had been away more than a few days. 

Lucan gave him a longer look this time. “You _are_ the Black Paladin, right?”

“You… know me?” Shiro looked back at him confused. The news of Voltron must have travelled the universe, sure, especially after they defeated Zarkon, but aside from the people they saved directly, no one should be able to tell who he was.

“Of course. Everyone in the coalition does,” Lucan huffed. “You’re shows are _great_. I’ve only seen them on tv so far… hey, could you get me some tickets? I mean, I’m saving you and all, right?”

“What show? Shiro looked at him puzzled. Maybe Lucan was confusing him with someone else… but then he knew his name and that he was the Black Paladin. It didn’t make sense. 

“ _Your_ show. The Voltron show.” Lucan was talking really slowly, like he thought Shiro was just being stupid. When Shiro just stared at him blankly, he rolled his eyes. “Look, no need to play dumb, you could’ve just said no. It’s not like I would’ve dropped you into space for something like that.”

“I… just really have no idea what you’re talking about. I told you I’ve been on Earth for a while…” But his friends _hadn’t_. “I guess the rest of the team must have started this whole show stuff?”

“Or maybe you’ve hit your head when you landed on Earth. Dude, I _saw_ you in this show. Your face and all.” Lucan waggled his hands in front of his own face. 

“That… can’t be…” Shiro gripped the armrest of his seat tighter. He had been on Earth for months, hadn’t he? The way his clothes hung from his body was prove of the malnourishment of at least weeks, not days. He must be missing something, here. Maybe Lucan was messing with him or someone who looked like Shiro was playing his role on this shows? But then they were the only humans in this part of the galaxy as far as he knew. A mask, or something? 

“Can you… show me this Voltron show?”

“Sure.” Lucan pressed a few buttons on his control panel, setting the ship on autopilot. Then he got up to rummage through a pack and returned with a tablet. Shiro stared out of the front window, his mind whirling with too many questions to catch one long enough to really look at what’s outside. 

“Here.” Lucan pressed the tablet into his hand and Shiro had to force his eyes away from the passing stars to look at it.

The video was already running. It was _him_. Unmistakably. He was standing in the middle of a field, talking about Voltron, unity, and the coalition, surrounded by the rest of the team. First he saw Hunk, then Lance… Pidge was doing some fancy stunt as an entrance. Allura was standing like the princess she was but… something wasn’t right.  
Where was Keith?  
Things got even more confusing when he figured out that Lance was playing the role as the Red Paladin and Allura was posing as Blue. Maybe Keith hadn’t been on board with this whole show thing? That would be very Keith, indeed. But why hadn’t Allura just taken on _his_ role? Why the switching up with Lance?  
That were the easier questions, the less confusing ones, although he didn’t have an answer for either of those.  
Every time he saw _himself_ on that stage, he frowned.

“It can’t be,” he murmured.

“Maybe you should really check yourself for head injury,” Lucan said sympathetically.

“Seriously, I.. have no explanation for this… but that’s not _me_.” Shiro touched the figure wearing his face on the tablet with his finger helplessly.

“Do you have a twin or something?” Lucan cocked his head at him. “If your species has something like that.”

“We do but no, I don’t have a twin.” Dizziness forced him to sink further back into his seat. Something inside his arm throbbed, causing his head to feel a spark of something that was not quite pain for a second. It was more the echo of an experience than the actual thing…  
Without really thinking about it, he raised his right arm in front of him and turned his palm up. The feeling crawled down his arm like ants when he moved his fingers. Shiro’s heartbeat almost skipped a beat when suddenly, a bright flash of purple shot over his skin before it fizzled out as quickly as it had appeared. Shiro flinched violently and shot back into a straight position in his seat. It hadn’t _hurt_ , but there was still a slowly fading intense tingling. 

“What was _that_?!” Lucan had jumped up in his seat, too, staring at him clearly frightened. 

“I have no idea,” Shiro stared back at him just as shocked. 

“Does this usually happen?”

“No.. .” _But this isn’t the first time my arm had been activated without my control._ Shiro swallowed dry against the lump in his throat.  
He remembered Nuri talking about his arm. About a tracking device and the connection to his memory. The implication of what this might mean made his scalp crawl, sending shivers down his spine.  
And here he had thought he’d been free after escaping the Galra prison.

“Will it happen again?” 

 

“I don’t know.” Shiro didn’t dare to look up. Lucan had said he wouldn’t drop him into space for not giving him tickets for _the show_ but what if he saw him as a possible threat?  
“It won’t do you any harm, though.” He tried to sound confident about it. Once he’d be back in the Castle of Lions, he’d figure it all out. 

Although it seemed like he’d never been gone. Shiro shivered again. Something had happened to him. Who was this other Shiro? 

Maybe Pidge build a cyborg so no one would notice his absence? It sounded absurd but it didn’t feel as absurd as looking at himself performing a show he had no memory of.  
His memory. Nuri had said that the device had somehow been connected to it. He wished he’d asked more questions, or _any_ questions at all, besides if they’d seen him having sex with his boyfriend. He’d be too occupied with finally having found a way back into space. 

Shiro led out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. “I think it had something to do with the device Nuri deactivated. I think it was like… the final flicker? ”

Lucan hesitated. “The Galra have really been messing with you, huh? I mean.. Nuri trusted you enough to be around you and offer his help. So.. I guess you should be fine. According to himself, he doesn’t make mistakes and that’s why he’s still alive.” 

Shiro nodded without conviction. He hoped he would be fine eventually, once he’d started to sort this mess out.

They changed topic after that. Lucan seemed almost desperate to keep the mood light and tell him funny stuff that had happened on his trips around space. But Shiro found his mind wandering back to his own face on screen.  
Maybe it was just some visual trick or projection, just like some of the monsters on this show. Or indeed a cyborg or… something else.  
What if the guy on screen was the real Shiro?  
Hadn’t he always felt broken and wrong since Ulaz had helped him escape his prison?  
What if he was just some copy, made by the Galra?  
But his memories, his emotions felt too _real_. Was it possible to implant something like that in a living being without it feeling wrong?  
All those questions made the air seize in his lungs. He noticed Lucan giving him a weird look.  
There was also no explanation _why_ he’d been on Earth. His memory told him he’d been sent there by the Black Lion. Was that true or some false memory? He couldn’t possibly be a false version of himself that thinks he’d been teleported to a different planet by the Black Lion when the real version was still in the Castle of Lions. Or could he? His head was starting to hurt.  
If he wasn’t _real_ , what was he? Certainly not the Black Paladin, a valued member of the team… or Keith’s boyfriend. But his feelings for him weren’t fake, they were strong and as present as always. There was no way someone, some _thing_ could have implanted him with _that_. It was his, and his alone. He missed Keith, wanted to be close to him. He remembered every feature of his face, the way his hair smelled, his skin tasted. How he sometimes smiled at him in this special way that was only meant for _him_ and how seeing it made Shiro’s chest nearly burst with pride and happiness.  
His knuckles turned white as he gripped the edge of his seat harder. It was real. _He_ was real. He had to be. 

If only he could talk to Keith. The fact that he hadn’t seen him in the show worried him, but then Keith wasn’t the guy usually into putting on a show. Shiro almost smiled imagining the others trying to get him to do it, anyway. They’d throw at him argument after argument and Keith would just stand there, his arms crossed in front of his chest, pouting and scowling. Especially Lance would probably explode in his face, unable to detain his frustration. 

Shiro noticed Lucan looking at him sideways. “We could try to contact the Castle of Lions. Or Nuri’s favour just have to wait and we’ll fly there immediately.” 

Shiro smiled, even though it felt a bit forced. “That’s very kind of you, but I’m not sure it’s wise to contact them when I’ve no idea what’s going on. And I don’t want to get you into trouble with your friend.” Lucan looked relieved. “So let’s go to this planet first and then decide for a new curse of action. Maybe we can pick up some news on the way.”

“Nuri’s people are actually pretty good at collecting news and gossip.” Lucan grinned widely, visibly relaxed now that he didn’t have to decide what to do anymore. Somehow, even though the weight and confusion of the whole situation was still heavy on his shoulders, Shiro managed to lean back into his seat a bit more relaxed and look out of the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day?


	4. The old archive

**4\. The old Archive**

Lissamid turned out to be a planet of stark differences. Countless battles that had obviously taken place here had left cities in ashes, while others had been rebuilt and now flourished. Nature had tried to reconquer parts of almost every cities. The warm temperatures combined with the humid climate bore giant fast growing plants and trees with thick trunks. Insects were buzzing around but were mostly harmless. The only harmful thing in this area were the dog-sized reptiles that looked a bit like little brothers of the monsters Keith had defended Shiro against in the Black Lion after they’d crashed on an unknown planet. According to what he’d heard, they spread like the plague and were known to be aggressive when provoked. Most of the time, they seemed to sleep curled up in quiet corners and didn’t show any interest in the people living here. 

Keith wandered the mostly empty streets, lost in thought. He'd done a lot of research on the planet's history and had then decided not to try to strike a deal. He might not look Galra and therefore had better chances than Kolivan or any other Blade, but he knew he wasn't the right person to do it. For one, Keith knew he wasn’t the most eloquent person and not really well-versed in negotiating with _anyone_ and second, the Lissamids were highly suspicious of any Galra and Keith just knew he wouldn’t be able to hold his tongue when faced with that kind of racism. The propaganda posters for raising up against the Galra did enough to press his hands into tight fists. He got that these people had been terrorised for years, he got that they were angry… but seeing Galra people slaughtered violently by the Lissamids was not something he wanted to see whenever he rounded a corner.   
Some Galra didn’t fight alongside Zarkon. But none of these people here were willing to see that, notice the _change_. 

The people of Lissamid had good reason to hate them, he was well aware of that… but not every Galra was bad and if anything, the Blade of Marmora was prove of that. They were risking their lives in this fight for this people, for the whole universe. Ulaz had given his life to save Voltron, as well as Thace. Keith admired them for their selflessness. He didn’t want strangers to spoil that for him.   
The Galra hadn't always been like they were right now. It was Zarkon who was to blame ultimately, for betraying Voltron and dooming his people.  
But then the people of Lissamid probably didn't remember better times and the peaceful way the Galra have lived. How could they? Zarkon had been ruling over this universe for thousands of years.

Anyway, if he wasn't able to deal with the Lissamids, Keith needed to steal what he’d come for. The information he was looking for was supposed to be stored in an old archive in a rundown part of the main city. The archive wasn't used anymore and apart from one security guy, no one should be there. It was practically child’s play.  
Keith had become an expert when it came to sneaking into places without being noticed, due to his training as a Blade so hopefully, there would be no reason to engage with the security guard. He didn’t want to be the cause of another unnecessary death.   
Once he was done with this job, he could go back to the base and check in with the progress Voltron had made. 

So much for not thinking about them, right? But thinking about Voltron was not the same as thinking about the people Voltron consisted of. 

 

Maybe the information he was about to get would help Voltron save the universe. Although it was hard to believe information _that_ important would be stored in a run down archive where no one ever cared to look at it, but Keith tried to swallow his doubts. He had no idea why Kolivan was looking for old and probably useless data, but it wasn't up to him to judge his leader's decision… it was comforting. He was just working on the orders he'd been given, there was no responsibility weighing him down, no team members he had to look out for. 

 

Even though, when he was being honest, working in a team had been _nice_. Knowing that other people had his back had made him feel safe and comfortable… But he knew there’d never be a fix place in anyone’s team for him. He’d thought it would be different with Shiro by his side.   
Shiro had been the only one to put up with his difficult moods, his silence and awkwardness.  
Keith sighed. It had been nothing but wishful thinking. He wasn’t a team player and he had never been truly been part of the team. The others had simply accepted him because Shiro had bothered to keep him around. For a while.   
Keith silently chided himself for going there. Shiro hadn’t pushed him away, not when it came to the team. He’d encouraged him to fly the Black Lion.   
Of course only as long as he needed him. 

Keith shook his head to clear his mind. A passerby immediately eyed him warily. Keith had noticed their stares often during the short time he’d been here, but so far, no one had been unfriendly towards him. The people of Lissamid were known to be paranoid and even though Keith didn’t look Galra, he was an outsider. Humans were an unknown species to most people in space. Earth was simply not a planet of any significance, so Keith stood out.   
Fortunately, there weren’t many people in this part of the town so he was left alone aside from a few weird looks. 

When the archive came into view, Keith decided to retreat into a darker alley and wait for the sun to set. He prefered to be on the safer side and not being seen around the building during the day would probably raise less questions among the people.   
He would wait for the sake of the mission. Even though patience still wasn’t his strong suit.

***

Keith landed silently on his feet. He stayed in his crouched position for a moment, listening intently if anyone had noticed his intrusion. But there were no alarms, no approaching footsteps and so he slowly got up.  
Getting into the building had been almost too easy. The security guard was sitting in the main entrance room, looking bored. Keith would say for a species known to be paranoid, he was way too relaxed. He didn’t even care to keep an eye on the open window on the second floor and so this had been Keith’s way in.  
Child’s play. He still needed to be careful. There was no guarantee there weren’t some secret security mechanism.

The archiv was huge. Keith had had his troubles memorizing the blueprint Kolivan had given him. According to what the Blades knew about this place, most of the rooms were empty or filled with old data cubes. In some of them, the reptiles had decided to claim as their sleeping quarters. Keith couldn’t blame them. It was quiet and roomy and no one was disturbing them. Still, he tried to be extra quiet when he passed a room with sleeping reptiles.   
The dim light made Keith’s attempts to slink through the halls unnoticed easier. Of course there’d be no need for bright lights. No one was here and no one was suspecting people walking around, looking for hidden secrets. The empty space made Keith almost feel a little stupid for hiding in the shadows like this. He could probably walk in the middle of the floor without anyone noticing… As long as he didn’t trigger any alarms, from which he didn’t know if they existed. 

He had no idea why he was so calm. His heart was beating almost at a normal rate and he took his time checking out the rooms to find the right one without feeling stressed. Normally the adrenaline rushing through his veins during those missions was pushing him forward.   
But then, this was probably the most easy and boring mission he’d ever been to since being accidentally kidnapped from Earth by a space lion. 

Which was probably why it didn’t help him _not_ to think about his friends. 

Lance would probably by now babble stupid nonsense because of how boring the mission was, Pidge would marvel at the advanced techniques of this place, Hunk would be scared about traps and Shiro…  
To be honest. Keith wasn’t sure anymore. It had been more and more difficult to judge Shiro’s reactions and behaviour, lately. 

Keith clenched his jaw, forcing himself to concentrate at the task at hand. He tried to visualise his goal, his next step… and so he kept glancing into room after room, until he found what he was looking for in a secluded part of the archive. The rooms above and around it had been empty, so it kind of came to a surprise to find something in this part _at all_. Keith let out a little laugh. He’d been on the verge of skipping this whole area, his impatience almost getting the better of him again.   
All he had to do now, was grab the cube and leave without being noticed, then send out a message to his ship and go to the extraction point. 

He smiled, as he approached, still sticking to going near the walls in case the security guard decided to look up at his screen.   
The data cube looked really old, but it was the only thing not covered in dust in this room. Maybe it had been moved here only recently? Or there was some kind of magnetic field around it keeping it clean? That at least wouldn’t make sense, dust in electronic devices was probably never a good thing. It didn’t matter, though. He only had to grab the cube and be out of here, everything else was for someone else to figure out. 

Keith carefully raised his hand and let his fingers wander over the cube. It really was child’s play. 

Until there was a low, humming noise that turned into a shrill mechanic shriek and she cube started pulsing rapidly in a bright white light.

***

To say that Keith found himself on the floor was not right. He was too confused to find anything, let alone himself, when he slowly came back to it. The world swirling around him was tinged in a dim light, a high ringing noise blocking out every other sound around him.  
Keith blinked against the fog before his eyes.  
Debris trickled down on him and he turned his face away when some of it got into his mouth. The sour taste of it always made him vomit.  
It took him a moment to remember what had happened. The mission. An... explosion? Of course.. he knew it had been way too easy.  
Carefully, he tried to get up, but his body wouldn’t obey him. Something was holding him down, but he didn’t feel any weight on top of his body.. Confused, he raised his head from the floor to get a better look and access the situation. The simple action of that took a lot out of him. He was so tired. And cold, he noticed with a slight shiver. How long had he been out?

 

The room started spinning once he had his head off the ground and he quickly let it sink back. Keith closed his eyes for a moment, he just needed to gather his strengths. A shaky sigh escaped him. The security would probably be here any minute now and he had to get out of here.   
He silently counted to ten, then took a deep breath and tried to sit up again. It was no use. Keith closed his eyes again and let his hands wander down his body. If there was something holding him down, he should be able to feel it. When his fingers met something wet he paused.. after a deep breath, he let his fingers slowly wander forward, until they met something hard and cold. It took a lot of effort to turn his head to his right side and direct his eyes to look down to his hand, down to where his fingers tapped into the blood seeping out of his body.   
This wasn’t right.   
There shouldn’t be a metal rod sticking out of his side, practically impaling him. 

His mouth formed a surprised ‘oh’, but there was no sound coming out. This wasn’t good. He should be in massive pain but instead he just didn’t feel anything at all. And yet there was a metal rod sticking out of his body.. maybe it isn’t real, maybe he was still unconscious and dreaming or he was awake and hallucinating.  
With a frown, he let his fingers wander over the broken skin. His blood was warm, he could feel that much, but his whole side felt like it simply wasn’t _there_.  
Keith grabbed the rod with great effort and pulled. But it remained unimpressed and unmovable. The sound he let out when he let his head sink back to the ground would have been a grunt if it hadn’t been so weak. How was he supposed to be able to get this _thing_ out of his body like this? He was so tired.. the idea of trying if luxite could cut the rod if he just applied enough force flashed through his mind… but the ‘force’- part was probably were this plan would fail.   
Distantly, he could hear voices somewhere down the hallway. He shivered again. They were coming and they certainly wouldn’t come to help him.   
Would they ask questions or shoot first? Probably the latter. 

Keith knew he was in no condition to fight, bleeding out on the floor like this. But he wouldn’t go down this easily.. he _had to_ try something. Keith reached for his knife, which luckily was still were it was supposed to be.. but before he could try to use it on the rod the amount of dust suddenly coming off from above caused him to blink up at the ceiling..  
 _‘Great,’_ he thought when he caught sight of one of the reptile looking creature staring down at him. The noise the explosion had caused had probably every one of these things living in the building. Maybe the smell of blood had lured it into this room.   
_‘I’m gonna die here. One way or another.’_ Either he’d bleed out, be torn to shreds by a vicious reptile or killed by some hostile Lissamids. This had not been the way he’d wanted to go.. Keith had known for a long time that he’d probably die in this war. He’d made his peace with it after the first time he’d encountered Zarkon in a one-on-one fight. But this? This felt just pointless. He’d assumed dying in battle, doing something necessary, _helping_ someone.. not on a failed mission.

 

Keith grabbed the handle of his knife tighter when the voices became louder. They were close. The dimness of the room would to nothing to hide him if someone was really looking into this room, even though he lay in a bloody heap in the middle of this rubble.   
_‘This is it,’_ he thought, but he didn’t let go of his knife. There was no way he’d get out of this, but he still wanted to have a sense of being able to defend himself. Although the tingling spreading over his body made it harder to concentrate, he tried to keep his eyes fixed on the door. At least the noise had caught the attention of the creature on the ceiling, too, and it was creeping slowly towards the entrance. At least this way, he could keep an eye on that thing, too. Keith would preferably die at the hands of an enemy rather than be torn apart by a wild animal. 

He lay and waited, his mind idly wandering but never staying at random images and questions. He wished he would have been able to say goodbye to his friends, his _family_ \- wherever they may be -, but he knew that was a privilege only few dying people got. 

The blood loss had probably caused him to hallucinate because when the security came for him, they didn’t look like Lissamids at all. Keith’s heard gave a painful twinge. He didn’t know if he should be happy or deem his mind a traitor. His eyes drilled into the familiar face. He wanted to call out to him, but stopped himself at the last minute, reminding himself that _this wasn’real_. It couldn’t be. He felt dizzy simply looking at him and that probably said enough about his state… he could not trust what he was seeing. Or thought to be seeing. Although his heart screamed at him to do something, blind to the truth. 

Keith let out a shuddering breath, the grip on his knife tightening. He could simply throw it, that would at least end the life of one of his enemies. A quick glance upwards told him that the other one was probably about to get jumped and at least injured by the reptile that was lurking right above them. 

He gathered all the strength left in his body. He only had one go at this and he wouldn’t allow himself to mess up. So he corrected the hold on his knife, grabbed the rod with his free hand to be able to better control his movements..  
 _One last time,_ his heart yelled at him. It urged its intention through his veins with each strained heartbeat. It _hurt_. How weird that he didn’t feel a _rod_ impaling him but _this_ almost brought him to his knees.   
Keith pressed his eyes closed. He’d made his decision. And so he aimed and threw the knife in one quick fluid motion. The rush of blood along the rod went barely noticed when the knife embedded itself.. The creature barely made a sound aside from the loud thud when it hit the ground.. barely missing the people still standing in the doorway, unharmed. 

Keith felt his lips turning up into a relieved smile, even though he had no idea where the strength for this simple movement had come from and why he’d chosen to say them against better knowledge. The people whirled around and stared at the dead creature.   
Keith’s heart was beating easier, but weaker than before. His fingers idly tapped into his blood. He must have torn something with his actions.   
With a smile on his face, he closed his eyes and let his muscles relax. It been a hallucination without much doubt, created by his mind to better cope with the situation... He decided to be thankful for this last opportunity to do something that mattered. 

 

The last thing he saw were the two guards approaching, one of them still wearing the face he loved so much. He saw their mouths moving but his ears were refusing to hear anything beside the weak rush of his own blood. His own mouth formed his name, but he didn’t make a sound. He let himself be touched and cradled, giving into the illusion before letting himself be claimed by darkness.


	5. A Fallen Soldier

**5\. A Fallen Soldier**

 

**Kolivan**

“Still no word from Keith?”

Kolivan’s question was met with a curt headshake. He pressed through the short instinct to press his eyes close.  
There was no use letting them stay in this place any longer, waiting for a sign of life that wouldn’t come. Their sensors had detected some damage in the area Keith had been - which wasn’t unusual or unexpected. Kolivan had told Keith to get the data cube no matter how. If he wanted to blow stuff up, fine.  
By now, Kolivan had his doubts that the possible explosion had been caused by Keith, though. After the event, his suit had still sent some data, but his vital signs had been rapidly weakening.  
Of course there was still the possibility that his suit had taken damage as well, sending no or wrong data. But that didn’t seem to be the case, here. Keith hadn’t reported back, so he was either dead or imprisoned. And the Lissamids weren’t known to take Galra prisoners. 

Kolivan hated this part. War meant people died and sometimes a sacrifice was needed for the greater good. Every Blade knew that, _Keith_ had known and embraced that sentiment. Kolivan hated having lost a young soldier with his potential. It especially felt like a waste because the mission wasn’t supposed to be a complicated one and now he neither had the information nor Keith.  
And he would have to tell Voltron about this loss. 

Kolivan sight silently. There was no use dwelling on it, he just had to deal with the situation at hand. The Galra understood that, he just hoped the Earthlings - and Alteans - did as well. Keith hadn’t been a part of Voltron anymore, not officially, but they still called him his friend, even though the emotional closeness he’d witnessed between Keith and his former leader had somewhat dissolved. 

“Come back to the base,” Kolivan ordered over the screen. “I will contact Voltron and tell them what happened.”

***

**Matt**

Things in the Castle had gone on as if nothing had happened. No one except Matt and Shiro knew what Keith had been willing to do for the sake of the team. The difference between them was, that Shiro didn’t seem to care while Matt suffered sleepless nights.  
It wasn’t exactly the fact that Keith had almost died that kept him awake. It was the way he blamed himself, how he talked about Shiro, how _sad_ he had been. And the way Shiro had reacted to his concerns. Matt simply didn’t understand what had gone wrong between these two. He’d watched their budding romance during their time at the Garrison with a mixture of delight and amusement. It had been so clear that these two had it bad for each other. They deserved more than that. They deserved to be happy. 

But Shiro had changed. Whatever the Galra had done to him, it had turned him to a different person. The changes were subtle in most parts, but all put together, Matt barely recognised his friend. The fact that the person he’d been shone through everyday made the whole thing even more painful. Matt knew the person Shiro could be now he was just a sad excuse of what had once been. 

After their last conversation, Matt had only spoken to him when necessary. He hadn’t spoken to Keith at all, although unlike with Shiro, that wasn’t of his own choosing.  
At first he’d almost been relieved when he’d found his room empty after his argument with Shiro conversation. Keith had run away and Matt had let him, without chasing after him. How was he supposed to tell him he’d been right, that Shiro really didn’t seem to _care_?  
Now, guilt was nagging at Matt, mixed with a sense of restlessness. He wished he could just talk to Keith and be there for him. It often felt like having him here would make things simpler for him, as well. At least there’d be someone else to mourn the loss of a close friend - the Shiro leading Voltron now was no person Matt cared to know. The Galra had destroyed that, too. 

But Voltron was working like a well-functioning machine. The rest of the team was happy with who Shiro was now and how he was leading them. Matt wanted to keep it that way, the universe needed Voltron, after all.  
He wished he could just call Keith and vent, but things were a bit more complicated. Matt would have to contact the Blade of Marmora and ask Kolivan to talk to Keith. And somehow he doubted they’d be allowed to talk in private. The way he _needed_ to talk about Shiro, though, could be interpreted as treason by sensitive souls.  
So he’d have to wait until the next mission that would have them work with the Blade, or the next time Kolivan dropped by with Keith in tow. Which would probably be soon with all this new development concerning Lotor. Which was something Matt really didn’t want to think about right now. Lotor was a guest at the castle, although he was not allowed to roam it freely. Matt didn't trust him. He was glad he'd saved Keith and ultimately Voltron, but that didn't mean he was on their side. 

Matt tried to focus on the good things in his life, which was namely Pidge. Having her back at his side made most things easier, but he noticed the curious looks she gave him whenever Shiro was in the room and Matt closed himself off. She’d commented on the dark circles under his eyes more than once, too, but Matt had chosen to just shrug and change the topic no matter how insistent she tried to be about it. 

“Hey, Matt.” 

Matt looked up to be met by Hunk’s friendly smile. 

“Hey,” he greeted back with a similar smile. Hunk was such a kindhearted and friendly person that there was simply no way _not_ to smile back at him. Matt was glad that Pidge had found a friend like him that had been there for her in his absence. Just like Pidge, Matt noticed the circles under his eyes, but once he noticed he didn’t want to talk about it, he’d let the topic drop and just told him to talk to him when he was ready. Which Matt was thankful for, even though he had his reasons not to take him up on this offer. 

“Allura said there was a call from Kolivan and that he wants us all to be there for it.”

“Alright?” Matt frowned. “Any idea what it’s about?”

 

“Don’t know. Probaby Lotor.” Hunk only shrugged, already turning around to leave. He gestured for Matt to follow. 

Matt hoped that whatever Kolivan had to tell them, it wouldn’t take this long. He’d been a little neglectful with his training lately and had wanted to use the training room today. Especially because Lance tented to hole himself up there lately.  
When he told Hunk about his concern, he only laughed and said Lance was obviously trying to impress someone. They engaged a bit in easy small talk on their way to the control room. Everybody else had already arrived and so Matt walked over to stand next to Pidge. Kolivan was looking at them with the familiar neutral expression. There was another member of the Blade standing in the back, wearing a mask. According to his height, it wasn’t Keith, though. 

“Now that we’re all here, what is it?” Shiro asked. 

“I’m afraid I have unfortunate news. As you know, Keith has recently taken on a mission.” 

 

Matt felt an uneasy feeling as the introduction Kolivan had made concerning this ‘unfortunate news’. Had Keith been hurt? He saw Shiro nod for Kolivan to move on. 

“There had been some… complications. Keith had since not reported back and the data his suit sent leaves no room for any other assumption. I’m sorry, Shiro, but we’ve lost him.” 

The world came to a shuddering halt, threatening to throw him off for a moment. 

“What?” He whispered. But it was drowned in the sudden silence around him. 

“That is… indeed… unfortunate,” Shiro stammered. That he had visibly paled did nothing was the only thing that helped Matt control the bright hot flash of anger bubbling up inside of him for a second. He remembered Shiro calling Keith’s possibly loss ‘unfortunate’ before way too freshly. 

“I don’t understand,” Hunk murmured. “What do you mean you lost him?”

“He didn’t report back. That could mean a lot of thing… maybe he got captured!” Pidge voice wavered slightly. Matt looked at her and immediately saw in her eyes that she knew the truth but refused to accept it. She was clinging to hope and for a moment, Matt allowed himself to do the same as he watched for Kolivan’s reaction on the screen. His face was as passive as ever. 

“The data his suit sent are clear. His vital signs got weaker and then stopped. I’m sorry, Pidge.”

“No!”

Everyone winched at Lance’s unexpected yell. 

“This is _Keith_ we’re talking about He’s not dead, he can’t be. It must be a mistake. We’ll go to this planet and find his grumpy self. Tell him, Shiro!”

“Lance…”

“Nonononononono. Don’t lance me. Just tell him we’re gonna look for him.”

“It’s a waste of time,” Kolivan said. “I understand that you’re upset, but Voltron has more important things to do. Especially now Zarkon is ba-...”

“More important things,” Hunk interrupted. “Keith is our _friend_. We have to help him.”

“Look guys…” Shiro sighed. “I know this is hard, but Kolivan is right. There’s nothing we can do now for Keith… as sad as it is.. but we still have a chance to help the rest of the universe.”

Lance opened his opened his mouth to say something but stopped when Allura took a step closer to him and gently touched his shoulder. 

“Keith would want us to move on. You know how he was.”

“I do.” Lance almost glared at her, but he didn’t step away or shrug off her hand. Another time, Matt would feel a pang of jealousy at this display, but right now he just didn’t care. “ _Keith_ wouldn’t give up. When Shiro disappeared, he didn’t stop looking for him until he found him.”

“That was because he _disappeared_. Keith didn’t.”

“We don’t know what happened to Keith, either, the data could be forg-..” 

“Stop it.”

The warning tone in his voice made everyone look at Shiro. 

“Keith is dead. We have to accept that. He was fighting for a better universe and he knew the risk of that fight.” He turned around to look at Kolivan on the screen. “Thank you for letting us know.” Kolivan gave him a nod and then disappeared. Shiro turned back to his team and gave them all a stern look. “Take the rest of the day off. Tomorrow I need you all back in fighting condition.”

Matt stared at Shiro as he passed by him to leave the room. The rest of the team stood in the control room as if turned into stone. No one moved or said something, too stunned by the reality of what had just happened. 

Matt had too many emotions at once to really be able to feel them. He tried to name them, instead, desperate to have his mind do something.  
Grief, for obvious reasons.  
Shame, because he hadn’t tried hard enough to reach out to Keith and now he’d never talk to him again.  
Worry, because of the way Pidge’s shimmering eyes stared at nothing. It was the first time she’d lost someone close to her. _Really_ lost them, without hope that the Garrison had covered something up or something similar.  
Anger, because Shiro had driven Keith away from them and now he’d gotten himself killed.  
And again shame, because he knew Shiro hadn’t wanted this to happen and his weird behaviour towards Keith had probably be caused by trauma. 

“He can’t be dead.” Lance was pale and did barely react when Hunk hugged him. 

Matt took a deep breath. He remembered the first time he’d lost a friend in this war. It would probably take days for the team to be able to function again. A day, as Shiro had suggested, would do nothing to help them grief. The pain would linger. But maybe Shiro planned to keep them busy so they wouldn’t get the chance to drown in it.  
As much as he didn’t like the thought, Matt had to admit that it wasn’t the worst idea. 

He glanced at the door one last time before evolving Pidge in a tight hug. Weeks ago, his priority after this worst case outcome would have been to make sure Shiro was alright. But now he just couldn’t bring himself to follow him. He wasn’t sure he’d refrain for doing something stupid if he found Shiro in his room being anything less than devastated. 

***

**Shiro**

“His _son_?” Shiro’s eyebrows shot up. “Zarkon has a son?”

“Yes, Lotor. He popped up out of nowhere with his other half-Galra generals after your battle with Zarkon. He seemed to have a very different approach on things but still maintained the Galra leadership over the universe.”

“Wait..” Shiro blinked. “ _Other_ half-Galra?” _Like Keith_? “What’s his other half?”

“I have no idea. Stories say Zarkon once had a wife who belonged to a species he later razed to the ground. Over time, her name got lost. Lotor doesn’t look like anyone I know.” Lucan gave him a curious look. “Well, maybe a bit like your people.”

“Do you have a picture?” Shiro felt his stomach drop. Zarkon had a _son_ who’d came into the picture out of nowhere and, according to Lucan, looked human. The only half-Galra he knew with that description was Keith… who’d been missing from the Voltron show.  
It couldn’t be. For once, the universe was merciful and Shiro let out a deep breath he’d been holding when Lucan showed him a picture of Lotor. The guy did indeed look a bit human, aside from his skin colour… and his ears. 

“He looks... Altean.” Shiro frowned. But surely Allura would told them something important as that? Although there was no guarantee she’d known. A lot of things happen when you’re asleep for ten thousand years. But hadn’t her cryo-sleep started right before Zarkon had slaughtered her people? Maybe Zarkon had married an Altean woman and she’d been the sole survivor. Or had some Alteans managed to flee, after all? 

“Possibly. I’ve only ever seen princess Allura on the show.” 

“And Lotor is ruling over the universe now and Voltron is fighting him?”

“Mhm… yes. Although there are rumours that Zarkon isn’t dead, either.”

“What?” Cold shivers immediately ran down his spine, making him shiver. 

“I’ve heard he’s been severely injured but has awoken from his coma recently. Could just be a rumour, though. Guess Voltron will be able to tell you more.”

“Maybe.” Shiro nodded absent-mindedly. What would happen when he returned to the Castle. Would the others welcome him or would they be hostile with everything that’d been happening around them, lately.  
How would he react if there were suddenly a second Lance or Keith?

Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe there wasn’t even a second Shiro and it had indeed all been a visual trick. With Lotor and possibly Zarkon around it would be saver not to let them know he was missing, after all. 

“Maybe we get some information on the whole situation when we pick up our cargo. Nuri’s people tend to be well-informed in these political things… especially everything concerning the Galra. They’ve often been attacked by them in the past.”

“Explain’s why Nuri’s that wary.”

“You mean _paranoid_?” Lucan smirked without looking at him. “We’re almost there, by the way.”

***

Getting the cargo into the ship had been no big deal. Lucan had suggested to ask around news in the local bars but the Lissamids weren’t that talkative around strangers. The only thing new to them was that they were currently negotiating with the coalition. But Shiro didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, yet, except that Voltron was involved - which was why they were talking to him about it at all. They recognised his face and somehow, he had gathered something akin to _fans_ on this planet.  
It gave Shiro a queasy feeling.

Without any helpful information, they decided to make their way back to the ship. They were hold up, when a deafening noise rolled through the streets. Shiro’s head immediately whirled around to search for the source. 

“What the..?” Lucan looked around in confusion as well, then pointed at a building at the end of the street. “There, look! There’s smoke everywhere.”

They ran, then, without further discussing it, towards the building. With the noise, the city around them had turned into a ghost town. Not that there’d been a lot of building walking around before, but now it looked completely empty and lifeless. Once the loud noise was gone, it had taken every other sound with it.  
Lissamid was a planet of war, after all. Noises like that usually meant an attack and so everyone had probably taken shelter somewhere safe. 

In front of the building itself, though, Shiro and Lucan found a few Lissamids in uniform standing around. 

“Nothing to see here,” one of them said in a bored tone with a half-hearted wave. 

“What happened?” Shiro chose to ignore them.

The Lissamid squinted at him, then. “Wait… are you the Black Paladin?” 

“Great,” the other one barked a mirthless laugh. “Let _him_ deal with the Galra.”

“There are Galra inside?” Shiro stared at them. 

“Eager, huh? Go ahead.” Again, they were met by a half-hearted wave, but this time it was clearly meant as a gesture to enter the building. 

“Are you… sure this is wise?” Lucan questioned when Shiro immediately started to walk. 

“I don’t know. But if there’s Galra inside, I won’t let these people deal with them on their own. I _am_ the Black Paladin, after all.”

“Great,” Lucan murmured. “Remind me to thank Nuri later for unwanted adventure.”  
Shiro felt relief when he followed him nonetheless. It had been months since he’d fought a Galra and even though he was confident he still knew how to fight, he was glad he didn’t have to face the threat alone. He should have asked how many Galra they were about to face but it was too late for that, now. Hopefully, he wouldn’t get them killed. 

It turned out to be a bit difficult to find the source of the noise. The building was _huge_ and the ventilation caused the smoke to spread quickly. Shiro tried to mentally map their way. He’d seen the source of the smoke from the outside, he just had to find the right way from the inside to get there. 

“Lots and lots of empty rooms and old dusty shit,” Lucan murmured beside him. “What is this place?”

“I don’t know. But something here must be important or the Galra wouldn’t be here.” 

Lucan nodded. “I think we’re almost there.” And he was right. The smoke had gotten thicker and while every other room was cast in a dim light, the room ahead of them was significantly darker. “It’s pretty.. well, quiet. You think they’re still here?”

“We’re about to find out.” Shiro took a deep breath and tried to steal himself for what was about to come. But when they finally walked through the door, there was no attack, no Galra lurking about in the shadow. Just… rubble and dust. 

“Looks like something blew up in here. Maybe the Galra came to destroy something?”

“Maybe.” Shiro frowned. It didn’t really make sense. The Galra weren’t exactly _subtle_. If they’d wanted to destroy something in here, they’d probably destroyed the whole building. And where _were_ they. He scanned the room a bit more closely, but the dust made it hard to see everything ahead of them. 

“We should take a look arou-...” 

Suddenly, something fell from the ceiling and landed only centimeters behind him. Shiro whirled around and stared at it in horror. How had he left himself so open to be attacked? How had he become so careless? Something like this was not allowed to happen. 

What exactly had happened?

“That… was close.” Lucan stared at him, his weapon drawn. 

Shiro tried to calm his heartbeat and access the situation. He nudged the creature on the floor with his foot, but it didn’t respond. 

 

“It’s.. dead.. but.. how?”

“Maybe the explosion killed it and it’s just been stuck to the ceiling for a while? Always happens with my pancakes”

 

Shiro crouched down. Something was in this creatures head… he looked a little closer. 

“No…” he whispered. “It can’t be.”

“What?” 

But Shiro didn’t listen anymore. He’d gotten up and started looking around frantically.  
There.  
It was not much. But he’d thought he’d seen something move. 

“Keith!” He called out. 

No answer. 

“Keith!” He started walked. 

Still no answer. 

Shiro started running as the situation ahead of him became clearer. Keith was lying on the floor in the middle of the room. How had he not seen him? Sure, there was a lot of rubble, but it was _Keith_! 

Who was injured. Badly. 

Shiro noticed absentmindedly that Lucan had followed him, but he only had eyes for Keith. He dropped down next to him, taking his face in his hands. Keith’s skin was cold. 

“Keith! Baby…” 

Keith moved his lips, but he made no sound. His eyes were open, but unfocused. 

This was not good. Panic gripped at Shiro’s inside, threatening to pull him under.  
He couldn’t let that happen. Not now. 

He let his eyes move over Keith’s body. Arms and legs were still attached, which was good, but there was metal coming out of his body that was not supposed to be there. 

“We need to get him into a medical pod.. something! Please!” Shiro looked up at Lucan. His pleading look was met by a determined nod. 

“We need to move him. So there are two things we could do, now… We either cut this metal thing and take it with him or we pull him off it. The latter could cause him to bleed out even more.”  
Shiro touched the metal with shaking hands. It was hard to focus on it, as it was seemingly buzzing in and out of his visual focus.  
He needed to calm down. 

Shiro pressed his eyes close and took a deep, shuddering breath. He could do this. For Keith. 

So what was he supposed to do? Pulling the metal out seemed like a bad idea. So he needed to cut it… he activated his hand - out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Lucan take a step backwards - lifted Keith’s back off the ground as little as possible and got to work. A gutteral, throaty noise left his mouth as the image of hot metal melting into Keith’s skin burned itself into his brain. The pain of something like that was brutal, it was something Shiro knew from experience. He was only glad that Keith didn’t seem to be awake enough to feel anything. But it only had him worry. 

“We need to get out of here, quickly.” Shiro cradled Keith into his arms, trying to lift him up without causing too much damage to his body. His back was wet with blood and it coated Shiro’s hands within seconds. 

He had no idea _how_ they got out of the building. Images of rooms flashed in his vision as he followed Lucan. His focus was on Keith and on the way his pale lips parted as took uneven and weak breaths.  
He only came back to the rest of the world when they were outside and confronted with the Lissamids, again. 

“We need medical help. Now!” He barked, but the Lissamids only looked at him in confusion. 

“We don’t provide _any_ help for the Galra,” one of them answered. 

“Does he _look_ Galra?”

“His suit does.”

“Look at me,” Shiro shouted angrily. “Now look at him. Now I’ll ask, again. Does he _look_ Galra?”

The Lissamids looked obediently at Keith. Shiro saw doubt on their faces. _Good_. 

“He’s as much as a Paladin as I am and he needs medical attention, _now_.” Shiro gave them a stern look. Meanwhile, his hands shook in panic as they were holding onto Keith. “If you want a chance to negotiate with the coalition and Voltron, you better do something about that.”

That seemed to do the trick. 

“Follow me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear roommate drew me a nice picture after proofreading this chapter. Check it out under https://shanifee.tumblr.com/post/171279217279/a-fallen-soldier


	6. Revival

**6\. Rise and shine**

The first thing he noticed when he came back to the world was pain. It seemed to be everywhere and to consume his whole existence. His back hurt, his side was on _fire_ , and white hot flash of pain exploded in his head when he opened his eyes. With a groan, he tried to move away from the light, but the sharp pain in his side kept him from moving too much. _What the hell?_

“Hey, hey.. take it easy.”

A warm, gentle hand found its way on his forehead. The contact immediately calmed him. He took a few, shallow breaths, taking his time to clear the fog still billowing through his mind. The pain washed over him in waves, numbing out almost everything else for a few, long moments, before Keith was able to adjust to it somewhat. He gave himself another minute just lying there before he opened his eyes - more slowly this time - to find the source of the voice talking before. The light still hurt, but what he saw seemed to be worth the pain. 

“Shiro,” he croaked. Why was he here with him? Faintly he remembered Shiro running at him in a dark room. But why? He hadn’t been with Voltron for a while now. It was weird how seeing Shiro, however, made him feel calmer right now while lately, being in his presence had turned out to make him feel the exact opposite. 

“Hey, you’re really awake this time,” Shiro beamed at him. “You’ve been in and out for two days, now. Welcome back.”

Keith frowned at him. He’d no recollection of waking up in this room before. “What… happened?”

“I’m not sure, but you were in a pretty bad shape when we found you.”

Keith wanted to say something, but the words were drowned out by a dry coughing fit. Shiro leaped to his feet to get him some water. Keith let his eyes follow him. He seemed a bit jumpy, nervously glancing back at him. When he finally sat down next to him and held the glass against his lips, Keith was torn between leaning towards the water or snuggle against the gentle hand cupping the back of his head to steady him. To say that lying down had been uncomfortable before was an understatement, but being propped up in a more sitting position made be pain excruciating. Keith silently chided his child-like need to be held and comforted in his situation and decided he should focus on the water for now. It was a treat for his sore throat and he closed his eyes for a moment to experience a sensation that was _not_ pain for once. When he opened them again, he let his gaze wander over his environment to access the situation. Where was he? This was not the Castle _or_ the Blade’s base. Instead he was lying on a simple bed in a plain room without any windows. Nothing in here gave away anything about which planet or ship he was on. It made him want cling all the more to Shiro and he had to take a deep breath to distract himself from leaning into his touch. The glass was gone, but Shiro’s hand was still at the back of his head, easing him down carefully. Keith sighed. There was no immediate threat and he should probably rest to help his body heal, but when he looked down his body, his mind gave him a pause.

“Where is my suit?” Keith didn’t like lying on this bed in nothing but his underwear and a bandage around his middle. It made him feel expose and unsafe and his hand searched for the blanket that lay scrunched next to him. The fact that he was almost naked in front of _Shiro_ combined with the little gentle touches made him feel even more uncomfortable. It was intimate, something that Keith had wished for weeks ago, before his hopes and dreams about love and friendship had been crushed. It made him want to dig up a hole and hide away in the dark where no one could see him like this. Especially not Shiro. 

“It’s kind of a long story. We had to get rid of it quickly after we found you… what is it with you almost dying in this thing, anyway?” There was a certain playfulness in Shiro’s voice, a lightness. But when Keith looked at his face, his eyes spoke a very different language. It was weird. Not that Keith had ever wanted Shiro to look at him with concern, but in that moment, it felt like something long missed had been found again.  
It gave in to the pretense that Shiro still actually _cared_ for him. Keith swallowed thickly against the bitterness bubbling up from deep inside of him. 

“You don’t… have to do this,” he told Shiro, unable to look at him anymore. He didn’t need to be lied to make him feel better in this situation... or heal faster. For whatever reason. 

“What do you mean?” Shiro’s hand was warm as he laid it over Keith’s. 

“You know what I mean.” Keith pulled his hand away carefully. The way Shiro’s shoulders tensed up at the action didn’t go unnoticed. Did he really think he’d be manipulated that easily? “Being… like this. Caring for me.”

 

“I don’t understand.” Shiro’s confused frown looked so genuine it made Keith’s chest feel tight. He pushed away the question burning into his mind. _If Shiro could make look something like this so convincing, what else had he been faking?_

“Shiro, please.... don’t. I don’t need you to coddle me now, even though I’m injured. I’m a big boy, I will get back on my feet on my own.” Keith was proud that his voice didn’t waver. 

“I know that but… you don’t have to be alone?” 

Keith took a deep breath. Shiro wasn’t usually the type to play dumb in situations like this. Quite the contrary. Shiro said what needed to be said and his honesty and empathy worked like some kind of strange magic that made people understand without being affronted. It was something Keith had always appreciated and admired about him. Which made this conversation all the more frustrating. 

“You made it pretty clear that I do _indeed_ have to do it on my own.” Keith knew he didn’t have Shiro’s people skills, but right now, he didn’t care. He hurt all over and he didn’t want to hurt even more emotionally if Shiro decided to keep playing the role of his caretaker. He had no idea what he wanted from him, but he knew he didn’t have it in him to deny him for long. His heart still missed Shiro and was eager to take even the smallest things he had to offer, no matter how much his brain argued against it. Keith still yearned for Shiro’s touch, his pure presence… He had to protect himself as long as he had the strength to do so, no matter how much it already hurt to push him away. Keith knew another heartbreak would be even more brutal. Maybe it was because he was in so much pain right now, but he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to go through losing Shiro _again_ , if not on his own terms. 

“Keith… I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I…,“ Shiro sighed. When Keith allowed himself to glance at him quickly, he saw that he was scratching at the back of his head with his right hand. It was a nervous gesture he was already familiar with. “Ok, I don’t really know how to talk about this or… what happened at the Castle lately.” Another sigh. “Ok… maybe I should ask a question, first. Although I’m afraid I already know the answer…” Shiro moved a bit closer, which again, caused very conflicted feelings in Keith. “Where do you think I was the past few months?”

 

Keith blinked at him slowly. They hadn’t parted ways _that_ long ago. Or… How long had he been out of it? “Why, at the Castle, of course. At least when you haven’t been out on a mission with Voltron.”

Shiro closed his eyes. “Keith… I don’t know what’s going on exactly but… Whoever was in the Castle? It wasn’t me.”

“What?” Keith heard himself ask the question before the meaning of Shiro’s revelation had really sunken in. “What do you mean it wasn’t _you_?” Had he lost his mind or was this some kind of cruel game? 

“I was on Earth. I don’t know why, but… the Black Lion teleported me there. I lived in your shack. I wanted contact you, but..” He licked his lips nervously. “I didn’t know _how_.”

There was a moment when breathing was almost impossible, a moment when everything clicked into place slowly. Keith felt a wave of dizziness wash over him, pulsing through his body and making him feel like falling even though he was lying safely on a mattress. It couldn’t be real. He’d found him month ago. Shiro had told them he how he’d woken up at a Galra base… they’d never been able to really make sense of what had happened.  
Maybe because it didn’t _make_ sense. Except...

“But… we’ve found you. The Black Lion _found_ you.”

“You found… someone. I don’t know who or what he is or how it’s even possible. All I know is… Lucan said there’ve been rumours years ago that the Galra had secret projects concerning clones. Maybe that’s why the Black Lion has been able to find him. I don’t know, Keith,” he sighed. “This is all weird and confusing for me as well.”

 

 _Lucan._ Keith filed the name away for later as something sharp twisted in his chest, the broken pieces of his heart rearing up. It sounded absolutely crazy. He could be dreaming or hallucinating or the person sitting on the edge of his bed could be an imposter, trying to trick him. Shiro had been back at the Castle for months. He’d been nice to him, most of the time, but he’d also treated him in ways he’d never treated Keith before. Like when he refused to listen to him (and in that, Keith didn’t mean agreeing with him, but the simple act of listening) or how he’d simply _disposed_ of their relationship so quickly. It had always felt like parts of Shiro had gone missing during his time with the Galra, tiny things that just weren’t _quite_ right. Keith looked at the man still sitting by the edge of the bed. His eyes bore into him with an intensity he was most familiar with. There were tiny things about Shiro’s appearance that had been different back at the Castle. Again, only tiny changes… things that could have easily happened during his captivity. He’d looked… fresher, Keith didn’t know how to describe it otherwise. But _this_ man right here, he looked just like the man he remembered. With the tiny hints of wrinkles on his forehead, born from worry, too young to be really noticeable. But Keith had noticed them the moment Shiro had lain still unconscious on his bed back on Earth and his fingers had itched to touch them. 

“Shiro,” Keith whispered, more to himself than anyone else. 

Shiro took his hand. This time, Keith didn’t pull away. It ignited a sudden fire inside of him, brighter and stronger than the pain still stabbing at his insides… If this was real, then _Shiro was back._ He hadn’t broken up with him, he still cared and _loved_ him. 

“Keith,” Shiro whispered back, the hint of a smile on his lips. 

The all consuming doubt inside of Keith flared up for another painful moment. Shiro had been the only person so far who’d never given up on him, and if the Shiro in the Castle wasn’t real, this statement was still true. He was so desperate to have him back at his side… too desperate to see the truth? But it all made _sense_. The Black Lion had wanted Shiro somewhere safe, and the shack had always been a safe place for Keith. Maybe the Lion had sensed the same thing in Shiro? It made more sense than sending him to the _Galra_ , who’d tortured and mutilated him, for sure.  
Keith twinged his fingers with Shiro, reveling in the feeling at how _right_ it suddenly felt. The simple touch wasn’t enough.  
He moved before he’d even thought about moving, startling them both with the intensity of his impact as he threw his arms around Shiro’s neck. His weakened limbs screamed at him immediately to let go, but Keith fought with every last bit of his strength to hold onto Shiro, his hands grabbing at his shirt, his shoulders, _everything_. He inhaled the smell of his skin as he pressed his nose against the soft skin of his neck. 

“Shiro,” he mumbled again, his voice so small he almost didn’t recognize it. His heart and body embraced the feeling of being close to Shiro again and Keith decided that something that felt so right just couldn’t be wrong. So he let himself melt against Shiro and strong arms came around his middle to steady him, careful not to press against his wounds. Keith felt tears running hot against his cheeks, soaking Shiro’s shirt quickly. 

“I’ve got you, baby,” Shiro whispered into his hair. Keith’s laugh at the pet name sounded more like a sob.

 

“But… how’s that even possible… how did he have all your memory?”

“I don’t know. Apparently I had something in my mind keeping track of it… It’s gone now.”

_It doesn’t matter now._

“I’ve missed you so much…” He had no idea if his words were anything near comprehensible, as much as his voice wavered. But Shiro pulled him a bit tighter into his hug. 

“Has he done something to you?” Shiro sounded wary. For a moment, Keith didn’t have words to react, there were only silent tears and desperation. Shiro was back. Truly back. And this Shiro hadn’t left him. Keith hadn’t disappointed him. 

“Did he hurt you?” Shiro pushed at Keith’s shoulders until he was far away to look at his face. Keith didn’t care that he probably looked awful. Shiro had seen him cry before, although not that pathetically. He was aware that he was searching his face for answers. 

“No… he… not physically.” Keith’s voice wobbled dangerously again. 

“What did he do?” 

Keith closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, pushing the air out of his lungs in a controlled action. How could he explain what happened? Where was he supposed to start? It wasn’t like the other Shiro had beat him, no. He’d hurt him in a lot of tiny ways. Keith decided to start with the thing that had shocked him the most.

“He… told me Voltron needed to come first and that our relationship was nothing but a distraction.”

Shiro pulled him into another hug and Keith winched at the sudden movement. 

“Sorry,” Shiro mumbled, easing his grip on him a little. “I’m just… so glad to be back. To hold you into my arms again. I’ve missed you so much. And you’re definitely _not_ a distraction for me. Not in a bad way.”

Keith nodded a bit numbly against Shiro’s shoulder. It was all a bit much to process and right now, he just wanted to hold onto him. 

“I’m sorry. I should have known it wasn’t you.” Shouldn’t he? Shiro had never been that nonchalantly about his feelings in the past. He’d always been considerate. How could Keith have fallen for something like _that_? 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Shiro sighed, letting his fingers stroke through his head. “A clone is not exactly the first thing that comes to mind in a situation like this.” 

“He was… different. But pretty similar at the same time.” Keith let his eyes fall close and just snuggled his head against Shiro’s shoulder. 

“He looks _exactly_ like me. I saw him in one of your Voltron shows.”

Keith’s eyes flew open again in shock. _Their_ show. There was so much Shiro didn’t know. “It’s not _my_ show. Not anymore,” he said a bit defensively. 

“I noticed. I was a bit concerned when I didn’t see you.”

Keith shrugged his shoulders weakly. “I’m sorry.” How was he supposed him to tell him that he had not always been not part of the show, but also not a member of Voltron anymore? A different sort of pain found its way into Keith’s heart. He’d left his friends behind, his role as a defender of the universe which had been important to him, all because of a _clone_.

“Not for something like that. I get that this isn’t kind of your thing. I just didn’t get why Lance took your place and Allura took his. Why all the switching? When Lance was introduced as the Red Paladin in full Blue Paladin armour, I was a bit confused.”

“A lot of things changed while you were gone.” Keith let go of Shiro and let himself sink back onto the bed. The emotional turmoil was taking its toll on him and he was starting to tire. Shiro frowned for a second but then immediately came to aid him lying down. It made something inside Keith’s chest swell. Shiro had always supported him, no matter what. He’d been a comforting presence at his side. And it showed in tiny actions like this. 

“I think you should rest a bit more.”

“Will you be there when I wake up?” There was a tinge of desperation in Keith’s voice he would have hated to hear in front of anybody else. But this was _Shiro_.

“I promise I won’t leave your side until you get out of this bed.”

***

Keith sat upright in his bed, sipping at his bowl of broth.

“So… that was Lucan?” He asked casually. After what was supposed to be a nap but lasted for several hours, he felt a lot more energetic. The pain in his side was still there and probably would be, for a while. Shiro had already explained to him that they’d only been able to get him into a healing pod for a few hours before the Lissamids found out that Keith was indeed Galra, even though Shiro had gotten rid of his suit quickly before starting the healing process. They had to race to Lucan’s ship with Shiro carrying Keith, but the few hours had done enough to make sure he survived. Still, Lucan had flown them to a friend who’d been able to give him as he called it ‘primitive medical attention’ - it was still more than what any human on Earth had been able to do. Keith would still need time to heal and Shiro had said with regret, that there would probably be some amount of scarring. Not that Keith cared. He wasn’t _that_ vain and if a scar was everything he took away from almost dying, he was more than fine with that. Although he felt a light churning in his stomach when he thought about Shiro. Would he still look at him the way he’d looked at him the first night they’d slept together? 

“Yes,” Shiro answered and pulled him out of his thoughts.

“How did you guys met?”

“It’s a long story,” Shiro smiled at him. “He picked me up on Earth and helped me when we found you.”

“You saved me.” Keith put his bowl on the side and looked at Shiro. If it hadn’t been for him, he’d be dead. Died on a failed mission.  
He should probably contact Kolivan.

“About time I returned the favour.” Shiro grinned at him sheepishly. “Although… if you hadn’t saved _me_ , first, I wouldn’t have found you.”

Keith chuckled drily. “I thought you were an hallucination. I was sure I would die there…”

“You scared me, you know?” Shiro cupped his cheek with his hand and Keith had to close his eyes for a moment, lost in the feeling.

“I’m sorry.”

“Just try not to do it again, ok?”

Keith gave him a pained smile. He’d almost died a bit too often for his own liking, lately. “I will do my best.” _As long as you try your best not to disappear again_ , went unsaid. Keith didn’t want to blame him for something he hadn’t done on purpose. Keith on the other hand, had willingly dived into danger for the greater good.  
He would probably do it again. He _would_ try to be more careful, though, he didn’t want to cause Shiro unnecessary pain. 

“So… what is our next step?” Keith asked deflectively.

“Well, first I need you to rest and heal. But we should probably contact Voltron before we get back. They’re probably sick with worry by now.”

“I… doubt that.”

Shiro frowned. “They are your friends, Keith. Plus you are a Paladin. Without you, they can’t form Voltron.”

Keith looked away defensively, his shoulders tense. “No.”

“What do you mean, _no_.”

“I’m not a member of Voltron anymore, ok? I left. I’m with the Blade of Marmora, now.”

The silence radiating off of Shiro buzzed loudly in Keith’s ears after that. 

“I.. figured that you were a Blade now with the suit and all. But... how did you leave Voltron? They need you. You _are_ the Red Paladin, after all.” 

“No, I…” Keith let out a pained sigh. This was _hard_. He had so much explaining to do. “When you were gone… We weren’t able to form Voltron at first. I… I didn’t want to, but the Black Lion chose me.” Keith looked up at Shiro, searching his face for his reaction. It was the same reaction he initially found in Shiro’s doppelganger. Pride.

“I knew you had it in you.”

“I didn’t,” Keith said a bit angrily. “I sucked at being a leader and everyone knew it. That’s why… your… clone… he never agreed with me. He always made decisions for me because _I_ was not able to lead them.”

 

“I doubt that’s true,” Shiro frowned, squeezing Keith’s shoulder. “I don’t know what he’s up to or what happened exactly… but you _are_ a leader, Keith. Otherwise, the Black Lion wouldn’t have chosen you.”

Keith played with the hem of his blanket. He didn’t want to fight about this. Shiro hadn’t been there, he hadn’t seen him fail. Which was something he was grateful for. He swallowed hard. Now came the hard part. Once, because he knew it would disappoint Shiro to some degree and second, because it was done. Keith had left and there was no going back. “I left Voltron.” He held up a hand when Shiro opened his mouth to say something. “I know what you want to say. But I wasn’t the leader they needed. Voltron was falling apart and it was because of _me_. So… I started training with the Blades and went on a lot of missions. Once I’d pulled back enough, your doppelganger was able to fly Black. Allura was already in Blue and Red had chosen Lance. So… there was one Paladin too many. They didn’t need me, it’s as simple as that. And... it hurt to be around you.”

Shiro, who’d listened intently before, now frowned heavily. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t the leader you thought I’d be. The Black Lion saw it, too. That’s why it chose you… your clone in the end.”

Shiro’s shoulders tensed and pressed his lips into a thin line. “It probably doesn’t know it’s not me, either. This has nothing to do with you not being a leader. Because you definitely _are_.” He cleared his throat, looking at him carefully. “What… is he like? My clone, I mean.”

Keith gripped the blanket harder. He didn’t want to think or talk about the other Shiro. But he know he owed the _real_ Shiro some answers. Especially if he wanted to get back to Voltron. Keith couldn’t let him go unprepared. “He is.. dedicated. A good leader. Our ideas of what to do just didn’t align.” 

Shiro smiled at him and Keith sighed. “ I wanted to go after Lotor, he wanted to work on the coalition. That’s where we clashed... He was not a bad person. He just wasn’t… _you_.” Keith looked up at him with pain in his eyes. “I know that now… but when I was still with Voltron, it just hurt. I thought you left me, that I didn’t mean anything to you anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Keith,” Shiro squeezed his shoulder. A gesture that had been a thing between them for so long now. 

“It’s not your fault.”

“Still. I hate what he put you through.” The fierce expression he had when he looked back at Keith almost stole his breath away. “But… Keith… Voltron still needs you. Even if you choose not to be a Paladin anymore, you’re a valuable team member.”

Keith sighed. It hurt to think about it. Not only because of what happened with Shiro’s clone, but with all of his friends. He’d let them all down, there was no other way to put it. And he was reluctant to go back.

“I’m not so sure about that. Matt is a way better support in the Castle than I am.”

“Matt…” Shiro’s eye grew wide. “Wait… Matt is back?”

“Yes, Pidge found him. He’s been with the rebels.” Keith couldn’t suppress a wistful smile. “He’s good for the team. A good influence and good with people.”

“Matt and a good influence?” Shiro chuckled. “I think Lucan should check again for head injuries.”

Keith punched his shoulder playfully and Shiro pouted at him for a second. “So… he’s ok?”

“As ok as you can be after being captured by the Galra. He… was the only one trying to talk to me after…” Keith bit his tongue. He didn’t want Shiro to worry even more. It’s not like he wanted to die in any of the situation he nearly had. “Anyway, we still don’t know where his father is. Or… we didn’t when I last talked to them.”

“We’ll find him,” Shiro said with conviction. Keith was glad he hadn’t caught on _the other_ thing he’d said. 

“So again… what’s our next step?” Keith tried to guide the topic back to more urgent matters. 

“Well,” Shiro got comfortable next to him and put his arm around him. “We can’t contact the Blade of Marmora because they are a secret organisation and we simply don’t have a way to contact them. And we can’t go their base because the coordinates and information all got lost with your suit.”

“Kolivan will not be happy you left it, by the way.”

“I’ll deal with that, later.” Shiro brushed some hair out of Keith’s face with a grin. 

“Fine,” Keith huffed. He didn’t even try to glare at Shiro because he knew his uncontrollable smile would kill the effect. Instead, he turned his head and pressed his nose against Shiro’s neck, letting his breath ghost over the warm skin there. The dark chuckle it got him out of Shiro sent a tiny shiver down his spine. 

“Ok,” Shiro cleared his throat. “So… we can’t contact the Blade. Our only option _is_ Voltron, then. Problem is that we can’t be sure how my clone is going to react to seeing me.”

Keith sighed He pressed a tiny kiss against Shiro’s neck before pulling back to lock eyes with him. “I wish we could just… I don’t know. A part of me doesn’t want to go back. Voltron works pretty well without us.” Shiro opened his mouth to say something but Keith interrupted him. “I know, I know… It’s not an option. We don’t know what this other guy is up to and… I want to be a part of this. I want to help these people and I want to defeat the Galra. Zarkon’s Galra, I mean. But… I’ve just got you back.” The last sentence he had to force out. The pain he felt was reflected in Shiro’s eyes. 

“I know how you feel,” he said. “I wish we’d had more time. Just the two of us… There’s so much I need to tell you.” Shiro let out a heavy sigh. His fingers wandered to his pockets, but stopped, as if he was unsure what to do.

“We can talk about it, later,” Keith suggested. “First, we need to make a plan for our return. Everything else can come later.” 

Keith might not be a member of Voltron, anymore, but even if he wished it would be otherwise, the universe and all the people living in it came first. Who knew what the other Shiro was planning? If he was a Galra experiment, it probably was nothing good. Which meant they _had_ to get back as soon as possible, because they were the only ones knowing that he was an imposter. 

The fade of the uniserve lay once again on their shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how I am able to update this after the 824928374 heartattacks I suffered from season 5


	7. Chapter 7

**7\. Uncertain**

**Lance**

The halls were awfully quiet when he made his way to the training room. It was a stark contrast to everything else that was going on in the Castle. Since the announcement of Keith’s death, Lance had often wished for peace and quiet. It felt unreal that everything just went on as before. They still went out in their Lions to fight the Galra and help people. They were still making plans with Lotor. Shiro was urging them forward and Lance had to confess, as long as they were moving, it was easier not to think about Keith’s broken body rotting somewhere on a unfamiliar planet. It had been Pidge and Hunk who’d suggested to at least recover his body so they could give him a proper funeral, but Shiro would have none of it. In his opinion, they had more important missions to attend to and Keith wouldn’t have wanted them to waste time on a dead body.   
Lance knew he was probably _right_ about that. Keith had been too pragmatic to care about something like that. But Lance _wasn’t_. The thought of Keith lying there somewhere alone, as if no one had ever cared about him made Lance feel ill. So he tried not to think about it too much and to keep himself busy instead. Being on missions helped, but once they were done and he was alone? The peace and quiet he’d wished for became suffocating. So training had become his task of choice lately, although it let his mind wander back to his sparring with Keith often. It was better to remember him like this. Stubborn and strong... alive.  
Lance quickened up his pace. He had just to survive the quiet of the hallway where the reality of what had happened was screaming at him. Keith was dead. He’d never be able talk to him again. If he was still alive, Lance would probably tell Hunk and Pidge how not having to talk to Keith was a bliss, but now? On bad days, Lance relived every moment he’d been not exactly nice to him. Keith had been his friend, but their friendship hadn’t always been easy. 

Lance sighed heavily as he reached the door. _Finally_. The training bots would distract him from his thoughts for a while. When the door opened, it became clear that he wasn’t alone. It wasn’t unusual. Most of the paladins seemed to have found comfort in training. It gave them all something to do, to block out their thoughts and to distract from their own helplessness.   
Today, it was Matt Lance found in with him. He was sitting on the floor, probably taking a break. Lance saw forward to the opportunity of not training alone. Matt was no match compared to Keith when it came to sparring, but they usually fell into an easy rhythm of fighting and friendly bickering. Matt wasn’t so bad, after all and since he’d made no further attempts to flirt with Allura, Lance had no reason to actually despite him. It made things easier, he was Pidge’s brother, after all. Something was different about him today, though, and Lance had to forcefully keep the frown from his face when he saw Matt wiping at his eyes. 

“Hey, no need to cry because you got beaten by the best fighter of team Voltron yesterday,” he tried to joke, pointing at himself with his thumb. Matt snorted. _At least that’s something._

“Don’t get ahead of yourself just because you beat me this _one time_.”

 

“It was just the first time I didn’t hold back to let you win. You’ll see.”

Matt grinned at him, but it looked more like a contorted mask than anything else. For a moment, Lance considered letting it drop, but something about Matt had seemed off for awhile now and… he was Pidge’s brother, right? If there was something he could do, he needed to try. “Ok, what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb. You don’t have to talk to me, but I’m willing to listen.”

Lance tried to stand by patiently as Matt seemed to think about that for a moment. 

“It’s Keith…,” Matt finally breathed only seconds before Lance would have lost his internal waiting-battle. 

“You’ve been friends with him since the Garrison, right? I’m… really sorry.” Lance wasn’t sure he was prepared to talk about it and the thought of Keith instantly brought back the nervousness, but he was willing to listen if Matt needed him. 

Matt nodded. “This war has killed too many.”

“I still…,” Lance sighed. “It’s hard to believe. Keith is just… _gone_. I still expect him leaning against a wall somewhere sulking or rush into some rash and unexpected action when we’re on a mission.” Lance hadn’t initially wanted to talk about this, but the words still spilled out of him. Maybe he needed this as much as Matt did. 

“That does sound like Keith,” Matt chuckled mirthlessly. 

“Yeah, he hasn’t been the easiest guy to get along with.”

Matt shrugged his shoulders. “He was fun once you got to know him. He hadn’t had the easiest life before the Garrison, so… I kind of get why he was so closed up sometimes.”

“What are you talking about?” Lance thought about what he knew about Keith. They’d never really talked about their lives before Voltron… except for this one time where he’d asked him about Shiro. But other than that? Who was Keith? Curiosity was suddenly nagging at his insides. 

“I don’t know the whole story, just bits and pieces. But he’s lost his parents very young and you know what happens to orphans with no family.”

Lance felt his eyebrows rise up to his hairline. “He grew up in an orphanage?”

Matt nodded. “Foster families, too. Some of them weren’t exactly nice to him.”

“Oh man, I had no idea…” It kind of explained why Keith had not been the outgoing happy-funny-guy with everyone. Lance didn’t really want to think what those ‘not exactly nice’ families had done to him... 

“It’s not like he talked about it all the time. I only know about it because Shiro let something slip by accident and I didn’t let him off the hook before he told me more.”

Lance nodded. “Guess Shiro had been the only one who’d been allowed to really see Keith.” Did Matt know about their relationship? 

Matt just shrugged his shoulders again, his jaw tight. “Hard to believe these days.” 

The words held a certain weight, the hint of a story behind them Lance didn’t know about and didn’t dare to ask. He swallowed hard. Something about Shiro felt off, lately, but he hadn’t had the heart to talk to his friends about it. They were all grieving and he didn’t want to worry them about something that might just be in his head. But what if it wasn’t? Everyone was grieving differently, Lance knew that. Did he even have the right to judge? For all he knew, Shiro could be crying himself to sleep every night over Keith’s loss. 

“He seems a bit… unapproachable lately. I don’t know what’s wrong exactly. I guess he’s grieving, like the rest of us.”

“You mean the _unfortunate event of Keith’s death_?” Matt voice was tight and it felt like being slapped across the face, even though the words weren’t levelled against him directly. 

“Whoa, that were Kolivan’s words, if I remember correctly,” Lance said a bit defensively, more for the uneasy feeling inside of him than to defend Shiro. 

“Shiro had said them before.” Again, Matt rubbed at his eyes quickly. “Feels like I’ve lost two friends instead of only one.”

“Slow down a bit, ok? When did Shiro say that?” Lance frowned at him. It didn’t sound like Shiro to say something like this, let alone say it about _Keith_. Although they’d seemed to act at bit strange around each other before Keith…

Matt pressed his eyes close and sighed heavily. “I shouldn’t be telling you this…”

“Too late, man.” He’d kick the shit out of him if he’d decide to stop _now_. 

“Remember when you ran into this trap on Naxzela? When Lotor saved you by destroying that shield?”

Lance nodded a bit impatiently and motioned for Matt to go on. 

“Lotor didn’t only save you this day, he saved Keith as well. He’d been only seconds away from crashing his ship into that shield to get you free…”

“Wait, what?” Lance stared at him, nonplussed, something hot flaring up inside of him. “Keith tried to kill himself and you didn’t _tell_ us? What’s wrong with you?!” 

Matt levelled his eyes at him and gave him a hard look. Lance balled his fists at the sudden urge to punch him.   
“He wasn’t trying to kill himself, ok? He was willing to make a _sacrifice_ , there’s a difference.”

“Oh, yeah? He’s dead _now_ , so what makes you so sure of that? You should have told us! We could have done something!” _Anything_. What if Kolivan had lied to them? What if he didn’t know the truth? What if Keith hadn’t died because of a failed mission? 

Matt went silent for a moment. When he spoke again, the heat in his voice was gone. “If you’d just looked at him that day you would’ve seen it. You were _there_ , Lance, you were just too busy to notice that your friend needed you.” Matt pressed his eyes close again and Lance felt his entire energy leak out of him in a quick rush. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair. I know that day hasn’t been easy for either of us...“ He sighed, then looked up at Lance, apparently undisturbed by the shock that must have clearly shown on his face by now. “Keith didn’t want to die. He was so _scared_. But he was willing to give his life for you.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Lance’s voice wavered dangerously.

“I told Shiro.” Matt shrugged. 

“What, and he didn’t do anything?”

“No,” Matt whispered, his gaze on the floor. “He said that his death would have been _unfortunate_ , but that people died in wars… or something along the lines.”

“That’s _crazy_.” Lance pressed his hands against his temples. “Shiro and Keith had been…” _together_. Lance bit his tongue. He was not supposed to spill that secret in front of Matt, was he? 

“Yeah,” Matt spoke into the silence that followed Lance’s outbreak. “But Shiro… he was so… _indifferent_ about it.”

Lance’s mind worked frantically. Shiro and Keith had been fighting a lot, lately, the commadary between them completely gone. He’d noticed the change, but then a lot of things had been changing that time. Keith had first been their leader and then not even a Paladin anymore. And Shiro? Shiro had been gone for a while and when he came back, some things had been different in some ways. His tone towards all of them had been a bit harder sometimes, but especially when it came to Keith. They’d fought before, sure, but never like this. On some days, Shiro acted like Keith was nothing but an inconvenience.   
Lance had never taken his time to talk to Keith about it. Keith had wanted to go after Lotor, no matter what… and Lance would lie if he said he hadn’t been angry at him for leaving them alone to go on missions that much. He’d been relieved when Shiro had been able to fly the Black Lion again. They’d been busy with their own missions and Lance had been contented himself with seeing Keith from time to time. They hadn’t been _that_ close, after all. But Keith was still his _friend_ and a part of their little space family. If anyone had told him he’d almost _died_ , he’d be a lot of things, but not indifferent. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell us about any of this?”

“You had a lot on your plate already. I didn’t want to make it harder… and Keith… he didn’t want anyone to know. He didn’t even want me to tell Shiro and he ran away when I did it anyway. I… I wanted to talk to him about it the next time we met.” Matt’s voice went silent at the end. It was clear he’d never had the opportunity to do so. 

Lance let out a shaky breath. Keith was dead, and as much as he wanted to blame someone, Matt wasn’t at fault. Neither was Shiro, no matter how much the two of them had been at odd with each other. Keith had never been the one to talk about problems and being ready to make a sacrifice was not the same as being suicidal. Keith had died on a mission. Missions could go _wrong_. Logically speaking, Lance was well aware of that. Emotionally? Not that much. 

“I’m sorry, man,” he offered, although it was a bit unwillingly. “It’s not your fault. It’s just… it hurts, you know? And… losing him kind of changed, well… _everything_.”

Matt nodded, as if he knew what Lance meant. But somehow, Lance still felt the need to talk.

“It’s like… I’ve been afraid before when we went on mission. But somehow, we always made it out alive, _all_ of us. No matter how badly it looked for us. We’re the good guys, right? And we have these super powerful lions. We even have a superhero-y name. Defender of the universe! How cool is that?” Matt offered a weak grin. “We’re like spiderman or batman. The good guys are supposed to make it, right? Now that Keith is gone… it’s become real. We could die in this war. Every single one of us.” The image of Keith’s dead body flashed through his imagination and he swallowed hard. “We might never get back to Earth. And our families will never know what happened to us.”

“I know. But all we can do now is keep on fighting… and make sure that Keith didn’t die for nothing.” Matt got up from the floor. “Please don’t tell anyone about it, ok? He wouldn’t have wanted them to know.”

Lance nodded halfheartedly. It was a lot of new information and he would need his time to think about all of this. At least if he wanted to talk, he knew he could probably come to Matt, now. 

“So, are you up for another round of losing to the real best fighter on this ship?” Matt grinned at him as he took on a fighting stance. Lance only glared at him before he put all his frustration and hurt into his first attack.

***

Shiro listened to Keith’s even breath as he slept. It was so very different from the rattle he’d heard in his lungs while he’d lain unconsciously in his arms. Shiro pulled him a little closer against him, careful not to wake up. Keith was warm and breathing and that was all that mattered to him right now. Everything else would come later.  
It wasn’t how he’d imagine his return to Voltron. He’d thought he’d contact them with Lucan’s help and then simply fly into Keith’s arms the moment they saw each other. Instead he had to find the man he loved on the brink of death and his friends listening to a stranger with his face. So much had happened in the few months he’d been caged in a seemingly never ending sameness of each day on Earth that had threatened to drive him _insane_.  
Shiro closed his eyes and nuzzled into Keith’s hair for a moment, forcing his muscles to relax again. Thinking about all that was to come wasn’t productive right now, it would only let his fears spiral. So instead he pulled back again and looked at his sleeping boyfriend, letting his thumb trace the outline of Keith’s lips. He smiled when he murmured something unintelligible in his sleep. If it could only be always be like this. Just the two of them, wrapped up in their own little world, warm and safe. Maybe one day it would be more than just a wish, but right now, the future was that long obscure path in front of them.

Shiro had no idea what exactly had happened to make Keith pull away and leave Voltron. Keith had a tendency to be devoted to his tasks so much it bordered (and sometimes breached) on self-sacrificing. Voltron had been important to him, he’d excelled in his role as a paladin and he’d never once complained about being forced into this war. Shiro knew that Keith had always wanted a place he belonged to, a _purpose_ , and he’d found that in Voltron or so he’d thought. Shiro had thought he’d found even more than that, to be honest. Keith had been pretty isolated at the Garrison and from what he knew about his past, he’d never really had any friends. Their friendship had come as a surprise to the both of them and it had grown into something more than that. Just like Voltron had grown into something bigger than friendship. To Shiro, they’d become something akin to a family. Shiro had thought Keith felt the same, especially because he’d lost his own family so young. Had he been wrong about that? 

Jacob’s letter weighted heavily in his pocket. Shiro burnt to tell Keith about his father, but he was still recovering and he’d been through _so much_. Maybe now was not the time. Keith had said himself they’d talk once they’d sorted the situation with Voltron out. Whatever that meant. Facing his clone or doppelganger or whatever was nothing he was looking forward to. There was a high possibility that everything went to shit the moment he walked through the door. How would his friends react? Would they side with his clone? How should he convince them that _he_ was the real Shiro and not some fake when there’d been a time he’d had doubted it himself? 

He glanced at Keith again. What he’d told him about the other Shiro had killed all of his doubts. His love for him was still strong, blossoming anew and growing in his chest every time he looked at him. He’d never treat Keith like that. Of course there was no guarantee that they’d work out as a couple, but Shiro knew that he’d always want Keith by his side as a friend, no matter what. They’d been through so much already, highs and lows, but Keith had always made him feel at home somehow. And he was extremely grateful for that. Other than Keith, Shiro’d had a home and a family before Voltron. But they’d never accepted him the way Keith did. With his parents, Shiro felt like a stranger in his own home. With Keith, he just felt like himself. Keith brought out the best parts of him, he was mindful of his problems and acceptant of his weaknesses. 

 

“Hey.” Shiro startled slightly at Keith’s croaked greeting. 

“Hey,” he said back. “Sorry, if I woke you up.” 

“You didn’t, I was just waking up on my own.” Keith’s face was still soft and open and when he gave Shiro one of those secret smiles that were only meant for him, he felt warmth spread all over his body.They were so close now, after spending so much time apart. And Shiro was going to savour every minute they had. A bit hesitant at first, he leaned towards Keith, but when his lips met him halfways, all doubt was lost. Shiro sucked on Keith’s bottom lip and instantly felt his smile. He didn’t have it in him to fight a smile of his own when Keith pulled back a bit, only to dive in again at Shiro’s disappointed noise. He opened his mouth readily when Keith prodded carefully with his tongue and it didn’t matter that he tasted a bit sour from his sleep. It was _Keith_ he was kissing and therefore, it was perfect. Their kiss was slow and lazy, as if they’d had all the time in the world. There was a termination date on their safe cocoon. As soon as Keith was well enough, they’d have to leave for Voltron, but Shiro felt like after only one night and one morning of kissing, they had a lot to make up for.  
He swallowed the tiny needy sounds that spilled from Keith’s lips with great joy. They let the blood in his ears roar and burnt his insides so hot he had to fight the instinct to just roll them over and press Keith into the mattress. Only two things kept him from doing so. One: Keith was still hurt and putting too much pressure on his healing flesh might not be the best idea. Two: They’d rushed into this the first time and Shiro wanted to go slower this time.   
He had no regrets when it came to their first time together. They’d loved each other for a long time and had been through a lot when they finally had been able to clear the air and confess their feelings, so going fast for once felt like the thing they _needed_ to do. But Shiro wanted the slow exploration of this new things between them, as well. To kiss Keith slow and hard and lazy and passionate. To go for a walk together and talk while holding hands, cuddling on the sofa while watching a movie. He wanted to get to know Keith’s body, what he liked, what sounds he could coax out of him. He wanted all of this and more, just nice and slow.   
But after their time apart, the tension and relief of finding Keith, his body had a very different idea of what it wanted right now and it _screamed_ for that contact. 

With all the strength he could muster, Shiro pulled back slightly to press their forehead together. It felt safer than kissing him at the moment but still didn’t rob them of being close to each other. He didn’t have it in him to pull his focus away from Keith’s mouth, though, and so he let his thumb wander over Keith’s wet and hot lips. He could feel the way Keith’s breath hitched at the contact and while all he wanted to do was _kiss him again_ he settled for sliding his hands into Keith’s hair, cradling the sides of his face. Keith sighed happily, his hands coming up to grab Shiro’s wrist as in an attempt to anchor himself. Shiro closed his eyes and let himself savor the feeling of being close to the man he loved. He was reluctant to let go and all for staying like this and feeling the warmth of their combined breaths. But as so often, reality wasn’t that kind. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Shiro turned his head a bit sideways with great effort to look at Lucan, who was standing in the doorway. He _did_ indeed look sorry. 

“I didn’t want to interrupt something but… can I talk to you for a second, Shiro?”

“‘’Course,” he mumbled a bit hoarsely. “I’ll be there in a minute.” 

Keith chuckled when Lucan left the room again. “Guess you're needed elsewhere”

“But I don't want to go,” Shiro whined. “Plus, is that supposed to mean that you don’t _need_ me, baby?” He tried to make it sound extra sultry before he pressed a quick kiss onto Keith’s lips. Keith snorted as he tried to kiss Shiro back, but he pulled away quickly and made him chase his lips. Keith rolled his eyes at him, but there was still a radiant smile on his face when he looked up at Shiro. “Weren't you the one trying to teach me about _patience_?”

“You’re using unfair means.”

“Am I wrong, though?”

“No,” Shiro sighed dramatically, then kissed Keith’s forehead one last time before he pushed himself up. “Ok, I’m going to talk to Lucan real quick and then I’ll be back, ok?”

“Uh-huh.” Keith only grinned and stretched languishly on the bed. 

“Unfair means,” Shiro mumbled over his shoulders before he reached the door. Keith’s barked laugh followed him outside. 

Lucan was leaning against the wall, a small smile on his lips. “I’m glad we could save your husband.”

“He’s not my... husband.” Shiro chuckled a bit nervously, heat immediately rising to his face. “Not... yet, I guess?” It was way too early to think about anything like this. “It’s still pretty fresh. But I really love him… so thank you for helping us. Without you… “ Shiro took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t even want to think about it.” He really didn’t. He knew what had happened if Lucan hadn’t picked him up or if he hadn’t been with him on that planet. Keith would be dead. And Shiro would either had been still stuck on Earth not knowing or holding his lifeless corpse. 

Lucan suddenly had a far away look in his eyes. “I hope you two will be happy and far away from this war some day. My own husband had been with the rebels before he died.”

“I’m sorry.” Shiro’s stomach dropped. They were both fighters in this war and there was always the possibility that one of them wouldn’t make it. Hearing that Lucan had been through that made his fears grow for a painful second because he could swallow them back down. 

“Anyway,” Lucan put on a smile again. The suddenness of it startled Shiro slightly. “This isn’t why I wanted to talk to you.” His face grew more serious again. “I’ve talked to Nuri. He kind of hates you now for being pulled into this whole thing, by the way, but he’s heard some distressing news about your doppelganger.”

“What is it?”

“Seems like the leader of Voltron is making a deal with Lotor. He’s in the Castle of Lions, at least.”

“ _Zarkon’s_ son?

“Exactly. Could be nothing. Maybe he’s their prisoner and this is just a stupid rumour. But we don’t know what he’s planning, right?”

“Right.”

“So we should probably head back to your Castle as soon as possible. I know you wanted to wait until Keith is fully healed… but that might not be wise.”

“Let’s wait a few more days at least.” A rush of anxiety burnt through Shiro once again. “I don’t want to risk him getting hurt again. He should at least be able to defend himself if things go badly.”

Lucan blinked at him a few times. “Alright. It’s your call. Nuri will be able to lead us to the Castle as soon as you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Lucan. And I’m sorry for having pulled _both_ of you into this.”

Lucan shrugged his shoulders. “It’s for the greater good, right?” 

Shiro forced a smile on his face before he turned around to go back into the room and back to Keith. He wished they’d had more time, more time for Keith to recover… more time for the two of them. But… 

“What are you _doing_?” Shiro stopped dead at the sight of Keith standing in front of his bed. He straightened, when he noticed him in the room, but from the slightly hunched way he stood it was clear he was still in pain. 

“Getting out of bed, of course.”

“Keith, I know it’s hard for you to rest, but these injuries take ti-...”

 

“The door isn’t as thick as you may think,” Keith said evenly. He looked at Shiro with an intensity in his eyes he knew way to well by now. Shiro’s heart sank.

“How much did you hear?”

“All of it. We need to get back to the Castle…” Keith took a few careful steps towards him and Shiro made a few quick strides to meet him halfway. 

“Keith…”

“No.” Keith frowned. “We can’t risk Lotor infiltrating Voltron. They trust you and they have no idea they’re listening to the wrong Shiro.”

“And I can’t risk getting you hurt again!” His voice was too loud in the small room.

“I can take care of myself Shiro.” Keith’s lips were pressed into a thin line and Shiro noticed how his hands were balled into fists. He took a deep, steading breath. Logically, he knew Keith was right. They just couldn’t risk it. He took another step closer and put both his hands on Keith’s shoulders, more for his own comfort than Keith’s. 

“I’m sorry. I know you can I’m just… scared, ok? But I trust you that you know your body well enough to know what it can take. So if you say you’re ready, we’ll be on our way.”

 

Keith’s face softened immediately in reaction. With his hands on Shiro’s waist, he pulled him closer and pressed his nose against his neck. “Thank you,” he mumbled.   
Shiro moved his arms around his shoulders and pulled him even closer. “Not for something like that. But… please let me know when you’re in pain or need help, ok?”

“Deal.”

“Great.” Shiro smiled. “Hey, that was our first fight as a couple.”

Keith immediately tensed. “For you, yes.” All the other sudden changes in Keith’s posture were subtle, but having him in his arms, still highly noticeable. The way his shoulders slumped or how his grip on Shiro’s waist lightened… Shiro had to press his jaws together to keep himself from screaming. Someone with his face had hurt Keith deeply and now he had to deal with the damage. He was scared that some things would be beyond repair. What was he supposed to do, then? Carefully, he pushed Keith away a bit to look at him, but Keith just stared at the floor. 

“Hey…,” he said silently. “I don’t know exactly what he’s done to you but… I’m sorry. I wish I could take that pain from you, but I know it’ll probably be there for a while. Yes, this has been our first fight for me. But for you as well. It doesn’t matter that this guy looks like me… It isn’t _me_. I’d never hurt you like this. I love you. And from how I see this? Our first fight went pretty well because we communicate with each other. So.. please don’t shut me out, ok? Talk to me.”

“You’re right” Keith murmured as he cautiously looked up at him again. “I’m sorry I.. will talk to you more.”

“Good.” Shiro tried to give his most convincing smile. “Because I want to hear your voice all the time now that I’ve got you back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up to the drama concerning Shiro’s VA and I’m still appalled by the amount of hatred some people can harbour. I’m glad I’m on ‘this side’ of the fandom and have only met really nice people so far. Don’t let these antis get to you.


	8. Parley

**8\. Parley**

Never before had watching Keith get dressed made him uncomfortable. But now,he was sick with worry and it was hard to swallow. The tight fabric of Keith’s new suit pressing against his still healing wound made him flinch ever so often, and Shiro had to force himself to keep looking. Keith was obviously still in pain, but there was no way he could convince him to stay in bed only an hour longer when he’d set his mind on something. His strong will was something Shiro loved about him, after all. It probably was the right thing to do, too, with what they’d learned about Lotor today. He just wished there was another way, a _safer_ way, especially with Keith still being injured. The Castle of Lions was dangerous territory, as much as it pained him to admit. There was no way to predict the way his clone or even the team would react. Would they attack him? Or would they at least listen to them? Shiro suspected the latter, he _hoped_ for it. But if he was wrong, Shiro was glad Keith wore something that would protect him if it came to a fight, for he had refused to go in anything other than battle clothes. Once again Shiro was grateful for having Lucan at their side. He had no idea where he got those clothes and supplies from, but if he lived to get the chance, he’d pay them pay somehow. Their equipment was not of the same standard as their Paladin suits, but they offered basic protection as well as a way to communicate with each other should they be separated. Which sounded like a worst case scenario to Shiro. Yes, Keith was a capable fighter and he could take good care of himself. But in this situation, the thought of leaving him out of sight felt like a kick to his stomach.  
Shiro sighed, but put a smile on his face when Keith looked at him over his shoulder with an arched eyebrow. 

“Everything alright?” 

“Yeah, just nervous.”

 

Keith nodded. “Me too. But we have to do this. And at least we’re doing it together, right?”

“You’re right.” Shiro’s smile was genuine this time. After all this time, they were finally being back together.

Keith walked over to his to take his hand and Shiro tried to swallow his worry as he felt the coolness of his skin against his own. Being out of bed seemed to put a lot of strain on Keith’s body already, he could only hope the trip wouldn’t do any more damage. Shiro knew he would never be able forgive himself if it did. But he couldn’t say any of that right now. He’d told Keith he trusted him and he _did_ , plus a part of him knew that they shouldn’t delay this. If Voltron was dealing with Lotor, they might needed them. So Shiro kept up his smile and squeezed Keith’s hand encouragingly. They’d make it, somehow. They’d get out of this alive. They just _had to_. 

“Are you ready?” Lucan called over the comms. 

“We’re on our way,” Keith replied. He used their still linked hands to pull Shiro close against him with a smirk. “One for the way?” He didn’t wait for an answer, instead he simply pressed his lips against Shiro’s. It was intoxicating when he was like this and Shiro breathed the moment in greedily. Keith was confident in most situations, but when it came to asking for something for himself, he was often too cautiously for Shiro’s liking. So how could he resist when any moment he took the initiative and _demanded_ something?Shiro let himself melt against Keith’s body, and was instantly rewarded by feeling the slight smirk against his lips turning into a soft smile. Keith whimpered quietly when he gripped his waist and pulled him almost impossibly close... 

 

“Eh, guys…” 

They had to break apart and chuckle at the clear distress in Lucan’s voice. 

“Sorry, we’re on our way now. For real this time.” Shiro took Keith’s hand and dragged him out of their room. 

“Well, at least we know now that these microfones are reeeeally sensitive.”

***

“Ok, we’re almost there. Are you ready?”

The words made Shiro feel cold, but Lucan was looking at them expectantly and so he nodded. 

“As ready as we can be,” Keith confirmed with determination. Shiro wished he’d feel any of that himself, but instead, there was only the fluttering of his nerves. They’d come to this point of their journey with _barely_ a plan. He hated rushing into something like this. There was so much to take into consideration, so much that could go _wrong_... but their time and means were limited and so they just had to go with it.  
Lucan had contacted the Castle, not telling them anything about Keith or Shiro being on board of his ship. The Voltron crew had been wary at first, but Lucan had managed to sweet talk them. The fact that his husband had been in the rebellion had finally convinced them and Matt in particular had voted to let him enter the Castle. It was weird to hear his voice over the comms after such a long time. Shiro wished he could have talked to him right then, but he knew he had to sit silent and wait as he felt the uneasiness wash over him in waves.  
He only relaxed a little bit when Keith took his hand and squeezed it. Strange how entering a place that had come so close to something like home could make him feel like this. 

“It’ll be alright,” Keith said, but Shiro detected a tiny tinge of uncertainty in his voice. Shiro breathed in through his nose deeply and glanced outside the window. He could see his teammates arriving. Allura came first, _Lotor_ in tow, his doppelganger was right behind them. Hunk, Lance, and Pidge looked like a small group of their own when they entered. And then there was Matt. The sight of him made his heart beat faster. His friend was alive and well and standing only a short distance away from their ship. He had to fight the urge to just run to him. He couldn’t wait to hug him, to tell him everything that’s happened - especially between Keith and him - and asked how he’s been all the time they’d been apart. The following minutes would decide if he’d get the opportunity to do any of it. 

When Coran walked in, Keith gave the signal that it was time to do something. Shiro had to suppress the impulse to just run away from all of this for a moment. He’d come to trust his team, infiltrating their base felt like stealing from his parents. But he knew there was no other way.. 

“Ok, I’ll go first.” Lucan stood up and walked towards the door. Shiro and Keith watched both with bated breath as he stepped in front of the team, who was watching him still a bit warily. 

“You said you had important news to deliver.” It was his doppelganger speaking. It was so unnatural it sent shivers down his spine. Next to him, Keith took a shaky breath. 

“I… have more of an important passenger.” It was obvious that Lucan was not the type of guy who was used to missions like this. Every word he spoke carried his nervousness like a song and it would probably nothing to make Voltron less suspicious. 

“Wait, that wasn’t what you’ve told us. You said you had _news_.” The other Shiro’s tone was snappy. 

“I’m...um.. sorry,” Lucan said. He would probably have started explaining right then, but the doppelganger would have none of it.

“Who did you bring with you? What are you hiding?” His voice cut through to them like a knife.

“Ok, I’m going to help him,” Keith sighed. They’d both known Lucan would probably not be able to hold under pressure. None of them knew what they were getting themselves into and Lucan wasn’t a trained soldier. So going out to help him _right now_ , before things escalated, was the best option.. there were too many unknown variables. Shiro just hated that Keith had to go out alone… even though that was what they’d agreed on. All he could do know was watch helplessly as Keith exited the ship.

“I asked him not to tell you.” Keith’s voice was unusual loud, especially compared to the dead silence that followed after the Paladins laid eyes on him. Lance and Hunk paled in particular, Matt was just staring at him as if he was a ghost.

“You… you’re alive?” 

“But how..”

 

“Kolivan told us you were dead!”

They all started talking at once. Lance, Hunk, Pidge and Matt started walking towards Keith, who was taking a startled step back. 

“I’m not dead,” he stuttered, as if he hadn’t been severely injured and on the brink of death only days ago. 

 

“Does Kolivan know?” Allura asked. “He told us your suit sent weakening vital signs and then… it just stopped.”

“Kolivan doesn’t know yet.” Keith looked a bit distressed. “I lost my suit so I wasn’t able to contact him.”

“How does someone lose his suit?” Hunk murmured with a quizzical look towards Pidge. 

“Can we discuss this later?” Keith asked tersely. 

“I’m glad you are alive,” the fake Shiro said at him with a smile. Keith only glared. “We should let Kolivan know about the news. I’m sure he’ll be glad, too.”

“And then you will be glad to get rid of me again, right?”

“I… what? What are you talking about?” The doppelganger looked genuinely shocked. 

“Don’t play dumb.” Keith took a few steps closer to him. “I know what you are.” Shiro found it weird to watch him raise the gun Lucan had given him to point it at his doppelganger. Keith was usually not the type who used guns, he prefered to engage his enemies directly. But this was their plan, right? It was a weak attempt to get the situation under control. No one needed to get hurt, but if this clone guy tried something funny… but he didn’t. Not right away, at least. Instead, everyone else just started screaming.

“Whoa, whoa whoa! _What are you doing_?” Lance screeched. 

“He’s not who you think you are.” Keith didn’t take his eyes of his target, his finger safely on the trigger. Shiro’s doppelganger was just staring back at him with his hands raised in front of him. “Am I right? _Tell them_!”

“Keith… I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” He sounded unsure of himself. Shiro tried to look at him more closely, but he was too far away to make out enough details. 

“ _You_ are not Shiro.”

 

“Keith, are you crazy?” Pidge asked, her voice shrill with panic. Shiro decided that he couldn’t look at it anymore. Keith had the situation under control and the doppelganger wouldn’t be able to try anything sketchy. Not if he wanted to live. 

“Keith is right,” he said when he emerged from the ship. It was like the scenery in front of him was frozen all of a sudden. Their heads had whirled around to look at him, but otherwise they’d become unmoving statues. Keith was still pointing his gun at a gaping doppelganger. 

“What is happening?” Hunk asked into the silence. “Why are there two of you? How is that _possible_?”

Shiro walked towards them carefully. At least they weren’t attacking him, yet, and it seemed like they were willing to talk. Or maybe that was just because Keith was holding the other Shiro at gun’s point. 

“Interesting,” Lotor murmured. 

“Yes, and maybe you can shed some more light on this whole situation, later,” Shiro directed towards him in his firmest tone, before he looked back at his friends. “I don’t really know how it’s possible. I just know that a few months ago, the Black Lion sent me back to Earth to save me from Zarkon’s attack. And... it took me a while to get back.”

“I think I need to sit down for a bit,” Hunk said and immediately slumped down onto the floor. 

“Before I was able to contact you,” Shiro went on. “I was shown some pictures of your show. That’s how I found out about this… whole situation.”

“And what is this situation, exactly?” Matt asked evenly. 

“Yeah, and now that there’s two of you, how do we know that this isn’t another _Keith_? Because we’ve been told most certainly that he’s _dead_.” Lance was far from as collected as Matt seemed to appear. 

“He is _our_ Keith, trust me. I was there when he got injured.” 

“I still don’t understand…” Matt looked between him and Pidge. But Pidge just shrugged her shoulders in utter confusion, unable to help him clear things up. Shiro swallowed. He should have thought about a way to explain this whole thing to them. But how was he supposed to explain something he didn’t understand fully himself? His eyes darted over to Keith, but he was still staring at the doppelganger. The intensity in his eyes was scaring… 

“He might be a clone,” Lucan chimed in, pointing at the other Shiro. It pulled Shiro out of his state of distraction. He opened his mouth to say something, but was too slow to add words to the action. 

“A… clone…,” The other Shiro whispered, his eyes suddenly wide in shock. “But… I remember growing up. I remember my _parents_.”

“They - whoever they are - have probably implanted you with my memory. A friend of mine had found a device in my arm.” _That_ was at least something he’d come to understand, something he was able to _explain_. 

“My arm?” The other Shiro said, holding it in front of his face. Keith immediately grabbed his gun tighter. “My arm…” he mumbled again. He squinted, looking at his arm even more closely… 

Suddenly, the mechanics in his clone’s arm lightened up a bright violent purple and Shiro sprang to Keith’s side, his own arm activated and ready to defend him if necessary. But the expected attack never came. Instead, his clone dropped to his knees with a deafening, guttural scream. The team was visibly torn, not knowing what to do. And it was Shiro who ran to him in the end. 

“What’s wrong?” It surprised him how calm he sounded when he felt anything but. It was like standing in front of a mirror. A mirror being tortured by immense pain. A small voice of reason reminded Shiro that this all could be a trick, that he had to be careful.. 

“My arm.. my head… it... hurts.” The words were no more than forced out sobs. Shiro looked over at Keith, who stared back at him with wild eyes. The weapon was not pointing at them anymore, instead his hand had fallen lax to his side. He looked somewhat frozen in place.It worried him that he was just standing there when usually, Keith was the first to lose himself in a swirl of activity. 

“Keith, can you help me?” Shiro suppressed a relieved sigh when Keith actually moved. Now was not the time to let himself be controlled by fear. “Coran, ready a pod!” 

Without question, everyone moved into action. Matt came to help them carry Shiro’s doppelganger, who was wildly thrashing in pain. The feeling that washed over him when he looked at the other Shiro’s contorted face was strange, like there was some weird sense of connection. He wanted to push it away for now, but the worry for his doppelganger got only displaced by another kind of worry when he heard Keith’s grunts of effort. He was trying to keep a solid hold on their patient, but even between the three of them, it wasn’t easy. His clone was not a lightweight and the way his body squirmed made it even harder to carry him. It wasn’t that he was struggling against the help they were trying to provide. He just didn’t seem to have any recollection of what was going on anymore and when they finally entered the medical bay and the pod came into view, it seemed to trigger some kind of bad memory on top of it.  
Coran and Lance were already waiting for them, holding the hatch of the pod open. Getting his clone inside it was a task with a completely new type of complexity, but when Pidge and Hunk arrived to aid them, they somehow managed to get the upper hand. Once they’d closed the hatch, everything came to a sudden hold.

Shiro hunched over, his hands on his knees. Months in the desert without proper food or work out had taken its toll on his body. Never before had he been this out of shape, so it wasn’t exactly the best moment in his life to make an habit out of carrying people around. Speaking of which… his eyes darted over to Keith. He was standing not far away from him, panting and supporting himself on a table. He was also deathly pale. 

“Keith, are you alright?” Shiro straightened. His feet carried him closer in a few big strides without him even thinking about it. Keith nodded as an answer, but his legs buckled when Shiro took him into his arms. “It’s ok, baby. I’ve got you,” he murmured. His words were meant for Keith only, but they carried strangely loud in the silence around them. 

“ _Baby_? Wait. Are the two of you…?” Hunk blinked at him.

“ _Finally_!” Coran cheered.

“They’ve actually been together for a while now. And _I_ have been the one to know about it first, this time,” Lance boasted. 

Matt only snorted in response. “ _Please_. I’ve watched these lovesick puppies since the Garrison.”

“Guess that explained how he lost his suit, heh?” Hunk elbowed Lance with a grin, but the was currently occupied by shooting deathly glares at Matt. That and Hunk’s comment would have been enough to stir Shiro’s insides up with a delicate mixture of embarrassment and amusement, but he didn't have the luxury of time to really experience any of it. Instead, panic was numbing out everything else as he had to suddenly struggle with the dead weight in his arms Keith had turned into. 

_Not again._

Matt was at their side in an instant.

“Coran, we need another pod!”

***

It was scarily quiet in the medical bay, considering there were still four people in it. The Voltron crew had been ushered out by Coran, who’d strongly suggested to give Shiro some space. But Matt had refused to leave his friend alone in a room with his clone and the man he loved, both injured and unconscious in a healing pod. He didn’t want to crowd him, but he wanted to be there, offering comforted if needed. It came down to him standing a little awkwardly leaned against a wall.  
Shiro on the other hand was standing in front of Keith, his forehead leaning against the cool glass. Coran had told them after a quick check earlier that today’s action hadn’t cause any further damage to his body, and that he’d simply been worn out. The pod would heal the rest of his injuries faster. Matt burnt to find out what had truly happened. Where had Shiro been? How had he come to find Keith? And why had he been declared dead? But now was not the time for questions.

Slowly, he was approaching him. _That’s the closed they’d been in probably a year._

“He’ll be alright,” Matt said, nodding his head towards Keith when Shiro turned to look at him. “Thanks to you.”

“He almost died.”

“The almost-part is important, here.” He took another step closer. “You know… When Kolivan told us he was dead, it was a sharp blow for the team.”

“I can imagine.” Shiro balled his hands into fist and closed his eyes for a moment, before he looked at Matt again. “I’m glad you’re alive and well. I wish I’d been there when Pidge found you.”

“She told me you’ve always been supportive.” Matt smiled. 

“Well, you’re an alright-guy. I thought it wouldn’t be _too_ annoying to have you around.”

Matt snorted. 

“Welcome back.” Shiro opened his arms and Matt didn’t hesitate to step into his hug. There was a lump in his throat and a prickling behind his eyes, but he forced himself to not get lost in those feelings. Today had already been emotional enough and Shiro probably didn’t need him to cry in his arms right now, even though it would be out of joy. 

“I can’t believe you finally managed to get it together with Keith,” he said instead, stirring the focus away from himself. 

Shiro chuckled and clapped his back a few times before letting go. “Some things are worth waiting for.”

“Sure. Thing is, you didn’t _have to_ wait.”

Shiro shrugged his shoulders with a smile. “How do you know?”

“ _Please_. From the moment you two were holding hands on that rooftop during that meteor shower I knew you had it bad. The both of you.”

“I still can’t believe you saw that and didn’t say anything.”

“I was right next to you.”

“I thought you were sleeping!”

“I was just being a good friend. Giving you two lovesick idiots some time and space. What did you want me to do? Point at your linked hands and scream ‘gaaaaay’?”

Shiro shoved him with a laugh, making Matt stagger a few steps away. “You could have talked to me afterwards!” 

“Well, I thought you needed time to figure things out and stuff.”

“That was very considerate and very unlike you.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Shiro.”

They both smiled at each other, enjoying the easy communication their friendship had always held for a while. _This was how it’s supposed to be._ This was where his clone had failed. The connection between them had been missing, although Matt had thought it was because of how everything that had happened had changed Shiro. He should have known better. Shiro wasn’t someone to break easily. He had always been protective and supportive of the people he loved. 

“Anyway…” Matt cleared his throat. “Even though it took you _forever_ , I’m glad you two have each other now. Even though you could’ve had that way earlier.” 

“Maybe. But it doesn’t matter now, does it? The only thing that matters is that I finally got to tell him how I feel.”

 

“Yeah, and from what Keith told me, you _showed_ it to him as well.” Matt waggled his eyebrows suggestively, then grinned in satisfaction when Shiro flinched slightly. “I’d high five you, but that seems a bit inappropriate right now.”

“Oh my God, Matt. I’m shocked.” Shiro clutched at his chest dramatically. “Since when do you care if something’s inappropriate?”

“I’ve matured. But don’t worry, I’ll ask for all the naughty details later.” 

Shiro chuckled, but his face grew serious after a moment. “So… what did I miss? You were with the rebels, I’ve been told.”

“Yes, that’s right. They got me out of the Galra prison and trained me.”

“I didn’t want to say it, but it shows that you’ve been working out.”

“Hey, are you checking me out? Do I need to break Keith’s heart?”

 

Shiro snorted. “ _Matured_ , huh?”

“Aaanyway. Yes, I’ve been training a lot and became a rebel fighter. I’ll show you in the training room, one day. You’re going to need all the luck you can get.”

Shiro nodded solemnly. “I will mentally prepare to be defeated.”

“Good,” Matt said cheerfully. “So… yeah. I was with the rebels and on a mission and then some day? Pidge was right in front of me. I’ve heard of Voltron before, but I had no idea she was part of it. Or.. that there were other humans in space.” The thought made him swallow. He’d found friends among the rebels, but he’d missed his family and friends from Earth. “I was so.. happy to see her.” The memory of their reunion almost brought the tears back to his eyes. “She brought me back to Voltron. And I stayed. I’m still working with the rebels but this… is kind of my home now.”

 

“I know how you feel.”

“I’m glad you’re back with us. It took some of us more time than others, but we all knew that something was wrong with that guy.” He pointed at Shiro’s doppelganger. 

“I must confess, I was a bit scared how you’d all react to see me. I mean… How did you know _I_ wasn’t the clone? It could have been a trick.”

“Well, first… you came with Keith and you two have been inseparable since the day you met. And second? Like I said… we all noticed something was wrong with this guy.”

“Keith already told me that he’d been… difficult,” Shiro said carefully.

“That’s an understatement. He was outright mean to Keith, in my opinion.” The anger of what had happened after Nexala flashed through him, making him shiver. Shiro didn’t need this right now. “But I think he wasn’t being mean on purpose, if that makes sense. He was just.. different. Completely focused on his goals and willing to sacrifice whatever or whoever got in the way of it.”

“Has he hurt any of you?”

 

“Physically? No. Like I said, I don’t think he was trying to be mean. He was just… not you.”

“What a mess.” Shiro sighed heavily. “I… think we should go see the others. We do have to sort this all out eventually.” He turned around to Keith’s sleeping form once again and Matt looked away when he let his fingers wander over the glass as if saying goodbye.

***

“Ok, so… you were on _Earth_. The whole time.”

“Did you talk to someone? Did you hear something about our families?” He was looking at him with open curiosity, so very different from Lance’s weariness.

“I’m sorry, Hunk, but I didn’t really talk to anyone. After what happened the last time I was on Earth, I was a bit.. reluctant to go to the Garrison. And I didn’t know who else I should have contacted. Or how.”

“Oh, I see.” Hunk looked a bit disappointed. Shiro felt the need to say something to make him feel better, but there was simply nothing there. Hunk missed his family dearly and nothing Shiro could say would change that. 

“So how did you get back?” 

“I met someone.” Shiro didn’t want to tell them _whom_ exactly, not before he hadn’t broken the news to Keith. “It’s a long story. But he brought me to someone who was able to contact Lucan. And he noticed the device in my arm that was connected to my memory.”

“How did he find it?” Pidge frowned. “

“I kind of sensed it the moment he saw me, I guess. And… he wasn’t human.”

“Great. First Keith’s mum Galra and now there are even more of them on Earth.” Lance kicked invisible pebbles while he murmured to himself.

“He wasn’t Galra.”

 

“Would he be able to tell us what’s wrong with the other Shiro’s arm?” Shiro smiled at Pidge. She was always so focused on finding a solution on a problem. 

“Maybe,” Lucan, who’d been silently listening the whole time, chimed in. “He’ll hate it, though.”

“We might still have to try. Whatever he has in his arm, it seems to have caused him a lot of pain.”

“Why help him? If the Galra sent him, he’s probably up to no good.” 

“I don’t know, Lance, he seemed pretty confused about all of this.” Shiro wasn’t sure what to think of it, but the look on his face… it hadn’t been the look of malice, it had been pure and simple shock. The same feeling Shiro had experienced when he saw his clone in the Voltron show. 

“Maybe the witch had simply used him to spy on you,” Lotor said with a smirk. “It’d be easy, no? You all trusted him. She was able to get to know all of your secrets. There’s no need to turn in into something more than that. A simply, unknowing pawn in her game.”

There was silence for a moment and Shiro contemplated Lotor’s words. It made sense. But could he trust Zarkon’s son in this? 

“Great. So what are we going to do?” Hunk was looking at him again. 

“Lucan, can you contact Nuri and ask him about the memory and tracking device? Hunk and Pidge can probably help you to deactivate it if Nuri can guide them. Coran, I need you to oversee the progress. Is there a way to keep him under until they’re done? He probably needs more healing afterwards.” His three team members nodded with conviction, Lucan on the other hand looked like he’d just been kicked in the stomach. 

“I can try. But you owe me for that, Shiro,” he agreed a bit hesitant. 

Shiro offered him his brightest smile. “Great. And already owe you for all you’ve done to help me.” He turned around to look at the remaining Paladins. “Allura, Lance, Matt… I need you to update me on everything that has happened while I was gone. And Lotor… I’m sorry, but for now, I need you to get back to your room.”

“I understand. I’m sure you’ll see that I mean you no harm.” 

“That remains to be seen.” Shiro tried not to glare at him. Lotor should be giving the benefit of doubt just like anyone else, but right now, Shiro was too tired to really be able to translate that thought into his behaviour. He was Zarkon’s _son_ and Keith hadn’t exactly have to say the nicest things about him. Still, Shiro needed to get the full picture before he was able to judge. So he sat down with Lance, Allura, and Matt to listen to everything that had happened while he’d been away. The dynamic between these three made him smile. Lance seemed to had found another unwilling participant to compete with in Matt. Other than Keith, Matt let deflected most of his snide comments without even batting an eye and focused on the task. It didn’t take long until Shiro knew about Nexzela and how Lotor had saved Voltron and how he’d provided them with important information so far. His friends also told him about the other Shiro, how he always seemed to have the best in mind for Voltron and the universe but often butted heads with the team. Lance and Matt in particular did not mince matters. 

“It took me a while to notice that something was off,” Lance admitted. “In the beginning, we were all just glad to have you back.”

“Yes, but it makes all sense in the end.” Matt said. “This clone apparently has your memory, so he remembers how you are.. or better, how he should be. But he isn't you. His personality is me different. Plus he's technically a few months old, so he doesn't exactly have the time to learn how to deal with your feelings. I'm not sure he even has the emotional bandwidth to really be able to cope with them. I don’t know… he had a very short fuse, sometimes. Nothing like you.”

Lance snorted. “Have you seen him with Slav?”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Shiro cut in with a grin. “I think you have a point, Matt. From what you’ve told me, I don’t think he’s evil. He seemed just as confused as the rest of you.”

“Maybe the way his arm reacted was some sort of self-destructive mechanism. Maybe to cover the tracks of his true heritage?” 

“You have a point, Lance,” Allura said. “Whoever is behind all of this, the obviously didn’t want us to find out.”

“Maybe Lotor is right and Haggar is about all of this.”

“Maybe. I think we need to look into this. This… clone, he might be able to help us.” Shiro sighed. “I don’t know who or what he is, but he is human and the Black Lion thought he was worthy. So…“

“I mean… I still don’t like him,” Matt said with a shrug. “But I compared him to you and I expected him to react like you. So… I don’t know. I think I’d be willing to give him a chance.”

“What about you, Allura? Lance?”

“We should be cautious. But he might be as much be a victim to the Galra as you were.” Allura looked sad and Shiro noticed how Lance’s eyes lingered on her. He suspected he knew how he felt, loving someone from a distance. With Keith, he’d always had a connection, and he’d always been somewhat open about his affection. Things were a bit more complicated between Allura and Lance. She sometimes outright rejected him and he, even having shown his interest clearly, flirted quiet openly with other girls. 

“I’m with Matt. I don’t like this guy.” Lance crossed his arms over his chest. “But I’m willing to give him a chance. Maybe.”

“Great.” Shiro smiled. “Then that’s settled.” Now the only thing he had to do was break the news to Keith when he wakes up. _Great, indeed_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long wait, long(ish) chapter? I'm sorry, real life (and work especially) had been crazy and emotionally draining and this chapter just didn't want to be written.  
> Thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments on this story! It really meant a lot to me and it made my days so much better <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure anyone's still reading this buuuut... here's a new chapter that was supposed to be up here months ago

The paladins were still discussing everything that had happened while Shiro and Keith had been away, when Lucan poked in his head and looked at them sheepishly. He didn’t exactly look like good news and Shiro felt his heart sink.

“Ehm… we were able to deactivate the device.” Ok, that actually was good news. “But.. Nuri wants to talk to you.”

Shiro swallowed his sigh. Lucan and Nuri had both helped them without asking anything in return and without obligations. Still… he wasn't exactly looking forward to talking to Nuri and if he was being honest, he was still a bit sour about having been put under without being asked. It evoked too many bad memories.. but Nuri surely didn’t care about that.   
_Another space-tech that hates me._ There was a pattern somewhere. 

“Alright, I’m coming with you.” He nodded to his friends. “Thanks for the update. We’ll talk later.” He followed Lucan to the medical bay, feeling a little uneasy. This would possibly were the real bad news would be coming into play soon enough. Still, Shiro couldn’t fight the smile when he noticed they were being shadowed by Matt. He didn’t have to go through bad situations alone anymore, it was nice to know there was someone who had his back. Although there was probably no way Matt would be able to help him with that.   
It didn’t matter. What mattered was that he wasn’t alone, that he was _home_. 

“Shiro,” Nuri drawled over the screened as soon as he entered the medical bay. His eyes were pressed into tiny slits and his posture was rigid. He looked _pissed_ , whereas Hunk and Pidge looked like they had trouble not to laugh. Well, at least the situation was pleasant for _someone_.

Ok, best to get over with it quickly. Shiro straightened his back and took another few steps until he was right in front of the screen. “Nuri, Thank you for helping us. I know you didn’t have to.”

“That’s right. And trust me, I didn’t do it for you.”

“Shiro!” Shiro’s stomach dropped when he heard Jacob’s voice from the background, before his figure stepped right next to Nuri, almost shoving out of the picture. “Where’s Keith?”

“Jacob,” he croaked. What was he supposed to tell him? _Your son almost died, but I saved him, but then I brought him on a possibly deadly mission even though he wasn’t fully recovered and now he’s in a healing pod._ There was no way he could tell him everything that had happened right away. Besides, he was well aware of the other people in the room. People who had no idea who Jacob was. And if it was up to Shiro, they would not learn about the truth before Keith.

“There’d been some complications but he’ll be alright.” He tried to make it sound as nonchalant as possible. 

“What happened?” The worry in Jacob’s eyes was like a punch to his stomach. He’d promised to protect Keith, and even though he hadn't even been back at his side when he had gotten injured, he still felt responsible. 

“Not important right now.” Nuri pushed Jacob aside again and Shiro was almost relieved for the intervention. “You two can talk another time.” He gave the now off-screen standing Jacob a hard look and Shiro immediately felt sorry for him. He just wanted to know about his son, whose life he’d been ripped from so many years ago. And now everything he’d learned was that _there’d been complication but he would be alright_. The relieve he'd just felt was gone in an instant.

“Now, Shiro. The deactivation was a success, but the chip in your clone’s arm might have done some damage to his brain before you were able to get him to the pod.”

That certainly didn't sound like good news. “How did that happen?”

“Remember when I told you I deactivated your chip _without_ frying your brain? Well, that’s exactly what his arm was trying to do.”

“But.. why?”

“I don’t know.” Nuri shrugged. “Could be an automatic response to seeing you. Or someone pulled the trigger. Either way… there’s another thing I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” Shiro’s eyes wanders down his arm, distracted by his own thoughts. He remembered the way his own arm had lit up after he’d seen the Voltron show and his clone for the first time. Without Nuri’s prior intervention, would he still be standing here? 

“He has some kind of… serial number.”

“What?” That got his full attention. A serial number? Shiro looked at Nuri dumbfounded. 

“It means he’s probably not the only one,” Pidge explained. “We don’t know how many there are, though.”

_Great_. 

“Ok.” Shiro’s voice fell flat on that one word. He had no idea how to deal with that information. Was there an army of Shiros? Or were they slowly infiltrating other bases? Whoever _they_ were. 

“We’ll keep our eyes open, Shiro. We’ll get to the bottom of this, somehow.” Pidge nudged his arm in sympathy. “Maybe it’s a serial number for _any_ clone. Not just your, you know?”

“Guess we should make up a safe word or something. Just to be on the safer side,” Hunk suggested. 

“Ok, consider yourself informed. I let you deal with _that_ problem alone.” There was a movement on screen, like someone was nudging Nuri. “Jacob will probably contact you again.”

Shiro nodded to all of that. There were probably other clones. How many? Where were they? What was all of this about?   
He didn’t hear the words Hunk and Pidge were saying to Nuri before the screen disappeared. His eyes wandered over to his sleeping clone, then to Keith in the pod next to him. The sight of him made something in his chest jolt. The wish for an easier life for the both of them together was burning in his heart, but he was confident that with Keith and his friends by his side, somehow, they’d get through all of this.   
They had to.

***

Keith blinked awake slowly, the sound of his quiet groan echoed back to him with a muffled quality of a constrictive room. His vision was still a bit foggy, but his mind became clear in an instant. Where was he? What had happened? Was he in danger? He tried think of the last thing he remembered. They’d gone to confront Shiro’s clone. He didn’t remember having been injured _again_. He blinked again, finally being able to make out more than light and dark shaped and looked up to see what was happening outside the pod. None of the paladins he spotted was looking at him. Keith swallowed. But calling attention to himself was nothing he usually looked forward to, but right now, it was even harder. He may not remember all of what had happened, considering he’d just woken up in a healing pod, but he remembered the shock on the team’s faces when they’d seen him. Kolivan had told them he’d died. Had they mourned him? Or had they just went on with their normal life? That’s what they’d done after Shiro’s disappearance, after all, even though it had taken some time. But Shiro’d had a greater impact on their lives both as a person and as a competent leader. Not that Keith wanted them to mourn him, but the thought of them just shrugging it off stung.  
When the lid of the pod slid open with barely any sound, Keith balled his fist and braced himself. Whatever had happened in the past, he wasn’t ready for their reactions. All he wanted was to go over and hide next to Shiro. Preferably with his arms around him. He knew that wasn’t an option, though. Not right away. So he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he took his first slightly wobbly step out of the pod.

“Keith!” 

He flinched at how loud Shiro’s voice was, but he forced his eyes open to look at him. There was something that he hoped looked like a smile on his face, but the way Shiro’s face changed suggested that he might have failed entirely.

“Keith,” Shiro said again, way more quiet this time. With a few quick strides he was by his side and engulfed him in a tight hug. Keith’s skin tickled at the contact, his senses coming alive so quickly it came close to overwhelming him.. but with Shiro, he also had the one person close that anchored him. So he just sighed and let himself melt against his chest. 

“You’re finally awake,” Shiro almost whispered close to his ears. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’m fine.” Keith wished they were alone right now, without everyone else standing around them. Watching, listening. He tried to concentrate on the warmth of Shiro’s body to settle his nerves. “What happened? Did I get injured?”

“No, you were just…” Shiro pulled away a bit to look into his eyes. His heart ached when he saw the pained smile on his face. “You were still a bit too weak. Your body just... shut down.”

“Ok.” Keith nodded, his eyes still trained on Shiro. He didn’t want to face the others just yet. Not when his legs were still weak and his mind still a bit fuzzy, but from the corner of his eyes, he could see Matt take a tentative step closer. 

“Looks like you’ve been back from the dead, twice.” 

“Yeah, you’ve fulfilled your scaring us quota already so from now on, you can just… not do that, alright?” Hunk beamed at him just as brightly as Matt and Keith gathered the strength to smile back at them carefully. 

“Sorry, I didn’t plan on it,” he offered with a shrug. 

“Well, now you can plan on _not_ doing it, ok?” Matt touched his shoulder slightly and Keith wanted to jump out of his skin. Shiro must have sensed his discomfort because he pulled him a little closer to his chest again. Keith was surprised that no one said anything about it. Sure, they had always been close, but…   
Suddenly the memory of Shiro calling him ‘baby’ in front of everyone else came back to him. Did they talk about it while he’d been in the pod? Did everyone know? The thought of it made him feel strangely vulnerable, even with Shiro’s arms securely around him. It was out there for everyone to judge… suddenly Keith felt like the socially inept loser on high school everyone made fun of for having a crush on the quarterback who was way out of his league. Except this wasn’t high school and the people around him were his friends and he actually _was_ with the guy way out of his league. The weirdest thing about all of this was that Lance’s presence made it all a bit better… Lance had been there when Shiro disappeared and he’d guessed and accepted their relationship without being judgmental or mean. Keith eyed the others carefully. Matt would be supportive, he was sure of it. Hunk and Pidge? Well, he was sure Hunk wouldn’t mind, but he’d never really spend much time with Pidge… but if the was anything like her brother, he didn’t have anything to fear. Allura and Coran were an unknown. Allura in particular was extremely focused on the mission, so they could easily see it as a distraction.. just like Shiro’s clone. Keith swallowed the thought down and looked at Allura, who was actually smiling at him. 

“I’m sorry.. I’m.. ok. I’ll try to be more careful,” he stammered, remembering that Matt had talked to him before he’d went down into his dark spiral of thoughts. 

“Yeah, please do. We were really worried about you,” Hunk offered. “This.. what’s his name? Jacob guy, too.”

Shiro’s muscles tensed under his fingers for only the tiniest moment and he spoke up hastily before Keith could ask any questions. 

“Alright, I think that’s enough of that for today. I think we should give Keith some space and..” He looked at him. “Are you hungry? I think we could all use some food.”

Hunk was the first of them who rushed out towards the kitchen.

***

Everyone had been chatting lively during their meal and at the end, Keith was up to date about everything that had happened during his absence. Once the food was gone, though, there was a lull in conversation and Keith was tuning out more and more. He wanted to go back to his room, retreat with Shiro back into their comfy bubble. But it was a luxury he didn’t have. The war wasn’t over, the Galra were still terrorising the universe and they had to do something about it. His heart ached with the implication of that.

He’d have to leave. 

With a slight tug on Shiro’s hand he called his attention towards himself. “What’s it? Is something wrong?”

 

“No.” Keith controlled his voice enough to sound even. “I.. I just think I should call Kolivan, you know? Let him know I’m alive and.. yeah.”

There was a genuine flash of surprise on Shiro’s face, but Hunk, who’d been listening in, was quicker to speak. 

“Yeah, about that. How’s it going to be from now on. I mean.. what’s next?” he managed to look both a little helpless and immensely curious. “Are we going back to how it has been? Are you guys switching back lions?” 

A hot flash of a feeling he couldn’t quite classify flared up in Keith’s stomach. 

“I… don’t know,” Shiro offered a bit hesitant. “I guess we should talk about this another time. I don’t know if the Black Lion accepts me back. Maybe Keith needs to fly it again.”

The hot flare was washed out by cold dread. “No way.” The words were out before he’d even consciously thought them, and of course, all eyes were on him in an instant. 

“We don’t have to decide this right away. Let’s talk about it later.” Shiro’s hand pressed his shoulder reassuringly.

“There is nothing to talk about.” Keith stood up and took a step away from the table, his shoulder feeling cold where Shiro had just touched him. He’d never be able to forget the clone’s eyes looking at him in disappointment. He’d failed Voltron, he’d failed leading them. Failing Shiro like this was not an option. “I won’t do it.”

“Keith…”

“No.” There wasn’t enough air in this room to breathe. He turned around, not willing to risk looking at Shiro anymore. “There’s nothing to talk about.” And with that, he left.

***

Shiro was struggling to keep his emotions in check. He’d known running after Keith right after he stormed off would have been for naught, so instead, he chose to give him some time. Keith sometimes just needed some time to himself to figure things out, but he’d been sure to find him in his room shortly after. What he didn’t know, though, was that Keith didn’t _have_ a room in the Castle anymore. Allura had had the decency to look guilty when she informed him that Lotor had taken over Keith’s quarter. He hadn’t _wanted_ to yell at them, then, but the need to stand up against what he felt was wrong was too strong. Keith had been a member of the team, a member of their family. Hunk had called them all brothers once, but how quick had they been to throw him out, erase him, and make room for someone new? Sure, Keith had left to be a member of the Blade. But shouldn’t he always have a place in the Castle? The thought that this whole idea to write Keith off might have been stemmed from his clone hurt the most.

He didn’t have time for his pain right now, though. He had to find Keith first and make sure he was ok. The others had told him what had happened, how Keith had struggled as their leader and finally stepped back, but they didn’t know how the whole thing had affected Keith.   
Shiro took a deep breath to center himself. Where would he go? He was angry and sad. He probably needed to blow off some steam. The training room was the first thing that came to his mind. The observation room might have been an option, too, but Shiro suspected Keith being too angry to sit quietly and contemplate his situation. 

And he was proven to be right once he reached the door to the training room and heard the sound of fighting from the inside. He was taking a few deep breaths before he stepped through the door, letting calm enter his body.   
Keith was in the middle of the room on his knees, panting, a training bot defeated in front of him. Good. At least he’d have some time to work out his feelings. 

“Keith,” Shiro said carefully and Keith’s shoulders immediately sagged in defeat. This was not the reaction Shiro’d been wishing for… He took a few steps closer, but stopped before he reached Keith. He knew him well enough to know that he needed some space. 

“I’m sorry,” Keith murmured. 

“What for?”

 

“Blowing up like this.”

 

This part was always the most difficult for Shiro. He knew why Keith reacted the way he did and personally, he didn’t mind. For him, it was easy to classify his behaviour and not take it personally. But he also knew other people took offence on the way Keith sometimes exploded and they didn’t have the insight _or_ the patience to deal with it. And although Shiro was his boyfriend, he was also the Black Paladin. He had a whole team to look out for. 

“It’s ok. I know this is difficult for you.. talking about it today was probably not the best idea. You might need to apologise to the team, though.”

Keith made a noncommittal sound that made Shiro smile behind his back. Saying sorry was never an easy task, but he knew Keith was capable of doing the right thing when needed. 

“You don’t have to go alone. I’ll be right with you if you want.” He closed the gap between them and sat down, their knees almost touching. “So… do you still want to talk to Kolivan today?” 

“I have to.” Keith was picking invisible dust from his leg with his fingers. 

“Well, you don’t have to do it today…-”

“He thought I was _dead_.”

“..- and you certainly have options about what you’re going to do in the future.” Shiro ignored his interjection. “You don’t have to leave, you know? We want you here. _I_ want you here.”

Keith managed to huff and grunt at the same time before he got up to his feet.   
_Back at putting some distance between us, then._. 

“What for? To watch Voltron fight from the observation room? To iron tablecloths while I plan the next charity event for the coalition?” His tone was biting. Shiro counted three slow breaths before he spoke up again, reminding himself to stay calm no matter what Keith would throw at him in his frustration. 

“You are a valuable member of the team. Switching back lions might be an option.” Keith crossed his arms over his chest. Shiro hurried to speak before he could say something. “ And even if it’s not. There are other ways you can help. What did the.. my clone do before he was flying Black?”

“Strategising.” 

“See? You’re good at that, too!”

“That’s not true and you know it.” Keith glared at him for a moment before his eyes softened and his gaze dropped to the floor. “I act on instinct. I’m not good at planning ahead.”

“You are good at relying on instinct,” Shiro admitted. “But there’s more in you than you know. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

The helplessness in Keith’s eyes when he glanced up at him resonated as a sharp pain in Shiro’s chest. He wanted him to see that he was wanted, that he still had value, Paladin or not. But he was also aware that this whole conversation was selfish. He just didn’t want to lose Keith to the Blade.. But was staying truly the best option for Keith? Shiro searched his own feelings. The only truth he could find was that he wanted him happy, and he wanted to support that happiness no matter what. 

“If you want to go fight with the Blade, I will not stand in your way. _If_ that is what you truly want.”

 

“I don’t know, _ok_?” Keith’s whole body was tension. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I thought I had a place as a paladin, but then you disappeared and I sucked at being the leader! Then you supposedly turned up again and I thought I had a place with you but you…” He paused for a tiny second, his lips pressed into a thin line before they parted to form words again. “Your _clone_ pushed me away. No one stopped me when I left the team. And the Blade took me in. They were there and let me help. And they are still willing to have me.” He was trembling slightly. 

“Voltron wants to have you, too.” Shiro said as calmly as possibly. 

“That’s not true. _You_ want to have me here. The rest of the team is willing to accept me as your _boyfriend_ , but they don’t care about me.” Keith started pacing while Shiro remained seated on the floor. He saw the pain he was caring in every frustrated step he took, giving him as much control over the situation was the only thing he could think of to help. “And what am I supposed to do here, anyway? I’m not a paladin anymore. You already have Matt and Coran on the bridge. You don’t need me there. With the Blade, I can do something that _matters_.”

“No matter what you decide, you will always do something that matters in this war.” That made Keith stop in his tracks. 

“What?”

Shiro gave him a lopsided grin. “I know you, Keith. I know that you will always play an important role in this. I know sitting idly by is not your thing. Even if you stay with us, you will always find a way to do the right thing. I will not stop you if you want to fight with the Blades.. But I would ask you to consider your options, first.” Keith’s arms fell lax to his sides, the fight visible leaving his body. “You’re right, Keith. Of course I want you here with me as close as possible. But I know you’re more than my boyfriend and I want you to be happy. If that’s with the Blades then.. we’ll simply have to find a way to make this work.”

“You will stay with me no matter what?” It seemed to genuinely surprise Keith. And it was that surprise that was finally too much for Shiro, too much to stay on the floor where it felt like there were miles between them. Keith just watched him as he approached. He didn’t pull away or flinched when Shiro took his hand. 

“Of course. I love you, Keith. I know we can make this work. If that’s what you want you can go on missions with the Blades and then come see me afterwards if there’s time? And I can visit you as much as possible.” He pulled him closer to whisper in his ear. “What’s a few galaxies between us, huh?”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! kudos and comments are as always welcomed ;) I plan to update this fairly regularly as most of it is already (at least partly) drafted


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